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Shatner Rules

Shatner Rules

Titel: Shatner Rules
Autoren: William Shatner
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    Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
    375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
    Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.); Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England; Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd); Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd); Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi–110 017, India; Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd); Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa
    Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
    Published by Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
    First printing, October 2011
    10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
    Copyright © 2011 by William Shatner
    Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Paul Matvienko-Sikar
    All rights reserved
    REGISTERED TRADEMARK—MARCA REGISTRADA
    LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
    Shatner, William.
    Shatner rules : your guide to understanding the Shatnerverse and the world at large / William Shatner.
    p. cm.
    ISBN 9781101547984
    1. Shatner, William. 2. Actors—Canada—Biography. 3. Shatner, William—Humor. I. Title.
    PN2308.S52A3 2011
    791.4502'8092—dc23
    [B]
    2011028393
    Designed by Alissa Amell
    Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
    The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
    While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

I’ve gotten to the age where I am counting every precious minute, so although none of us knows what is going to happen next, the dice are loaded for me having less time than more. So it seems that I should give a giant shout-out to everything meaningful in my life, ’cause you never know when you are going to get another shout-out. So to my wife, my daughters, my grandchildren, my dogs, my horses, and my friends, I hope I see you all tomorrow. And I’d also like to give a shout-out to Chris Regan, who is a terrific guy, a wonderful writer, and a new friend.

It’s Shatner’s universe. We just live in it.
    —PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, AS TOLD TO WILLIAM SHATNER*

* RULE: Always Take Shatner’s Word for It, Even If You Suspect He’s Lying

INTRODUCTION

RULE: Start Every Book with an Introduction
    I , William Shatner, am now eighty years of age, and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my late mother’s eighty-fourth birthday.
    Actually, I’m not really thinking of the
exact
date of her birthday as much as I am thinking about the
observance
of her eighty-fourth birthday. It was observed many times in her eighty-fourth year.
    We were in a restaurant—me, my two sisters, our respective spouses, and Mother Shatner, who was beaming from ear to ear. Why was she a-beam? Well, a retinue of handsome waiters surrounded her, bellow-singing “Happy Birthday” as only struggling young actors can. A small slice of cake sat in front of her, its sole candle missing its eighty-three siblings, waiting to be blown out by the happy old lady.
    And while Mother Shatner and the waiters smiled, her children and assorted family members scowled.
    Why?
    Well, it was not my mother’s eighty-fourth birthday.
    That event had passed a few months previous. And once again, my family was mortified by my

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