Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

and he was delighted to see a comforting yellow light on an approaching cab. To his horror, a gaggle of American tourists who had been watching him waiting in the rain leapt out of a doorway ten yards ahead of him and flagged down his cab.
    It stopped for them. The star approached the cab to protest but the Americans already had the door open. As he arrived one of them turned to him and drawled: 'Say, do you know which thee-a-ter is showing The Mousetrap ?' 'Yes,' he replied, 'It's at the St Martin's
    Theatre. Oh, and by the way, the---did it.'
    (- culprit's name removed to preserve this great mystery!)
     

     
    Some time ago a farmer in the West Country had been involved in a lengthy battle with the council - letters had been going back and forth for over a year about planning permissions yet he was getting nowhere. Finally, enough was enough. He loaded up his slurry tanker - a machine used to propel breathtakingly smelly semi-liquid clods of animal waste on to fields as fertiliser. He drove to the council offices and sprayed this organic matter all over the front of the building. He was subsequently fined but in a television interview said that it was worth every penny of the fine he had to pay in order to let the council know what he thought of them.
    Stop press! We have recently heard that the same man was in dispute with his bank about overdraft charges -and, you guessed it, they too became the beneficiaries of a truckload of manure.
     

     
    When the recession really bit in the late Eighties, leading to the virtual extinction of the yuppie, a lot of city boys lost their jobs with immediate effect. It became fairly common practice, when asked to return the company car (a Porsche, of course), to leave it on a double yellow line outside the office, collecting parking tickets and wheel clamps, while the bosses tried in vain to locate the keys. The ex-employees would simply have chucked them down the nearest drain.
    As the final shot of their long-running battle, a jilted woman drove her ex-boyfriend's car to Heathrow and parked it in the short-term car park where the charge is £1.80 per hour. It was three weeks before she told him where it was - nearly £1,000 later.
     

     
    A rejected Romeo was found guilty of endangering life and of drink and driving offences when he took revenge on the girl by driving a car at her house. He was so drunk that he missed the house and hit the one next door.
     

     
    'I am glad I owned up and, although I know I did the wrong thing, I am not ashamed.' So said a council executive's wife, adding that men should take heed of the fact that women are less prepared now to sit back without retaliating. 'We are less frightened of our feelings and expressing them. There are going to be more cases like this,' she said. And the reason for her revenge?
    Infidelity, of course. She decided to act when her husband continued to live and sleep with her, whilst carrying on an affair with a business colleague. She discovered that he was with his lover. 'I saw his Mercedes outside (which I had chosen).' Using her spare key she got into the car and, with her Irish Wolfhound at her side, drove to the Town Hall. She aimed the car at the large, plate-glass doors, revved the engine, took off the handbrake and accelerated forward, smashing the doors to smithereens. She then reversed the car and drove to the sea wall, where she planned to drive the car into the sea. 'But there was a man fishing so I just dumped it,' she said. The intrepid duo then ran home. She was already down as a suspect when she owned up to the Police two days later. 'I feel a lot better,' she told them.
     

     
    It was slowly becoming a living nightmare as Annabel Hornby started to realise that her husband's affections seemed to be greater for his beloved car than they were for her. The car certainly took up more of his time. One of them had to go and it was not going to be Annabel. She took a space in Loot advertising the sale of her husband's car for just £10. She was slightly surprised when no responses were forthcoming. However, after a second week of advertising, a student turned up at her door and could not believe his luck when he exchanged a £10 note for an extremely valuable, genuine Ferrari.
     

     
    There are just under 30,000 policemen in London and around about the same number of cabbies. Usually an atmosphere of peace and cooperation prevails between the two but, occasionally, the one has to get the other back in