Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

who has a pager number, find somebody else who they can't stand and page one to call the other, many times.
     

     
    Put confetti in the air vent of their car.
     

     
    Insert a siren into the exhaust pipe of their car.
     

     
    Arrange for your victim's neighbour to receive a pornographic magazine in their mail with the victim's name but the wrong house number on the label.
     

     
    There are a number of surprises you can put in the water tank - cochineal, washing-up liquid, blackcurrant juice -the possibilities are endless.
     

     
    Why not put cows in your ex-lover's basement? Cows will go down stairs but they will not go up!
     

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    Fix fake number plates on the back of their car which look real and say things like: B J KING, DICKLESS or I AM GAY. It can take weeks before they notice.
     

     
    Have some fun re-recording your ex-partner's outgoing answerphone message. The possibilities are endless.
     

     
    Scatter a few pounds of raw mince over his/her lawn. It attracts all kinds of wild and domestic animals, not to mention maggots.
     

     
    A man in New York poured sugar behind the plaster on the walls. They had to tear the walls out to get rid of the resulting cockroach problem.
    Collect lots of call girls' phone numbers (you can always find plenty of their call cards in telephone boxes) and leave these numbers on your victim's pager.
     

     
    One little boy who had been persistently bullied placed a sardine at the bottom of the bully's locker.
    Put a fish in the ventilation shaft.
     

     
    Put a big glob of grease under his car door handle.
     

     
    If your victim has a fax number get five or six pieces of black paper, dial their number and let the fax begin. Don't

    forget to erase your number from the machine. This will cost the recipient a lot of money, especially if they use the very costly thermal fax paper - and have you priced toner cartridges lately? Of course it will be expensive on your phone bill unless you use someone else's fax machine.
     

     
    For those connected to the Internet: mail bomb him with gibberish text files, 30k or so long. Send several hundred copies to him in order to fill his mail box.
     

     
    Put his name and phone number on the Internet, asking lots and lots of people to call him. Internet users are an active bunch and keen to please.
     

     
    Call the home shopping network and order hundreds of pounds' worth of things for her. Make sure you use her phone number!
     

     
    Call every kind of business that has an answering machine and leave a message for each in the mark's name expressing a desire to spend lots of money with the firm
    - pick the really sleazy ones.
     

     
    Tell her she looks absolutely wonderful in that simply frightful dress she is dithering about buying.
     

     
    Unscrew the shower head and put in a little powdered or crystallised pigment or colourant.
     

     
    Tell the Inland Revenue about the cash job your target did for you.
     

     
    Stick a matchstick in her keyhole and break off the end.
     

     
    Tell him you're pregnant.
     

     
    Tell him you're pregnant and it's not his.
     

     
    Always do your own dirty work - if you have assistants they can turn on you.
     

     
    When staying in a hotel with someone you dislike, order a fabulous breakfast consisting of everything on the entire menu, to be delivered to their room... at 5.00a.m.!
     

     
    Skiers who are fed up with queue-bargers and other irritants might employ this method of revenge. If the gondola lift has one of those compartments where the skis and poles are carried outside the lift it is a simple matter to wait until the lift is about to depart... and quietly remove the skis. It causes untold irritation to the victim that they have to go all the way up in the lift - and then down again to collect their skis.
    - with thanks to the younger members of the Palmer-Tomkinson family who assure us they have never done it themselves!
     

     
    Bobbit!
     

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