My Butterfly

that.”
    “Yeah, uh, this whole night was for those who have been affected by the flooding,” I said and then took a second before I continued.
    “My heart goes out to all those who have lost homes or livelihoods, and I’m just asking everyone, even after tonight, to continue to give to local efforts to support victims and to remember to keep them in their prayers,” I said.
    “Well, thanks so much, Will, for coming out and speaking with us tonight,” Jason said. “It’s definitely a great cause to support.”
    There was a short pause then, and Jason’s eyes quickly darted toward mine. It caught me off guard.
    “I just have one more question,” he said. “You didn’t think you’d get out of this interview without me asking it, did you?”
    I nervously chuckled, secretly dreading his question.
    “No, I suppose not. Fire away,” I said, eventually.
    “Well,” he said, “Will, we’ve never heard that last song, and it was pretty obvious to me that it was about a special girl in your life. Care to tell us about that?”
    I sat there, frozen and speechless, while the moments of my life with Julia—both the ones I kept close and the ones I still dreamed of—were awakened again inside my chest and now threatened to erupt. I desperately tried to swallow them back down.
    “Well, it was for a special girl,” I finally said. “She was my high school sweetheart.”
    “Was she here tonight?” I barely heard him ask.
    All of sudden, it felt as if I were in a small tunnel with all my memories buzzing past me instead of in the open, empty field.
    “Uh, yes, she was here tonight,” I said.
    “Well, where is she now?” he asked.
    I let silent moments pass. Honestly, I hoped she was still here, that she had changed her mind, that she had stayed. But what is hope if it’s not fleeting?
    “Well, I recon she’s on her way back to South Carolina,” I said.
    I knew there was a sadness tightly wrapped around my voice now, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Matt’s head slowly lower.
    “South Carolina, huh?” Jason asked. “So, does this mean you’re still on the market, for all those ladies listening tonight?”
    A smile somehow squeezed past my lips.
    “I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t be any of those ladies here,” I reassured him. “See, they all knew me in junior high.”
    Jason threw his head back and laughed.
    “But no, sir, to answer your question,” I continued. “I’m taken, and I have been since I was sixteen or six. It’s all the same,” I confessed into the little mic.
    I watched him nod his head.
    “Well, all right, if she’s listening now, is there something you’d like to say to her?” he asked.
    “I…,” I started and then stopped.
    I was fighting back a stampede of emotions. My eyes were locked on my pocket and on the small box holding the life I thought I would have with her.
    “I just want her to know that she’s still the same beautiful, after all these years, and that I’m here—always.”

Chapter Forty-Three
    One Knee
     
     
    I thanked Jason and pulled the headset from my ears and set it down.
    “I’m sorry, man,” Matt said, as he walked over to me and patted my shoulder.
    I glanced up at him but then quickly lowered my eyes.
    “I just need a minute, Matt,” I said, starting to walk away.
    “Sure, buddy,” he said.
    I took off for the fence line and made my own path alongside it. It was dark, and there were trees grown up around me, so I felt hidden from the world. I walked until the posts and the wire ran out and the trees stopped. Then, I planted my feet and took a deep breath, breathing in the familiar smell of tall grasses and dirt. I let it fill my lungs, and then I sent it back out into the cool air again.
    What was I supposed to do without her?
    The sound of metal hitting metal forced my attention back to the stage behind me. I turned but couldn’t see anything from where I stood. I figured they must have started cleaning up.
    I sighed and then started my slow hike back to the stage. But this time, I followed the line of grass that had been pressed down by tires. I knew the line led to the makeshift parking lot, so I didn’t even bother to look up as I set one foot in front of the other and tried to think about my last conversation with Jules. I tried really hard to replay it in my head, but somehow, I just couldn’t. Then, I tried to think of what day it was, but I couldn’t think of that either. God, would I even be able to think