Coda 03 -The Letter Z

voice is louder than it should be, and they’re all three motionin’ for me to dial it down a notch. “We’re havin’ dinner tonight with him ? The guy who left you? The guy who left Geisha ?” Because yeah, not only do I have the boyfriend who used to be his, I have the cat who used to be his too. And how fuckin’ weird is that?
“It was an accident—” Zach starts to say, but Matt interrupts him.
“Might as well tell him the rest too,” he says, and the look Zach gives him is pure venom.
“You mean there’s more?” I ask.
    Zach looks back at me and says, “Did you happen to bring any nice shirts with you?”
    For a second I can only stare at him. I don’t even know what to say, and let’s face it, that doesn’t happen to me very often. But I finally find my voice again. “Zach, how long you known me? We fuckin’ live together. You think I even own anything nicer than this? You think I been hidin’ my ‘nice’ clothes in my closet, just waitin’ for a special occasion or somethin’?”
    “Maybe we can buy something—” Zach starts to say.
    “Are you kiddin’? You seen the prices here? I can’t afford to buy a shirt—”
“At another casino, Ang. They’re not all as expensive as this.”
“Why, Zach?” I ask, louder. “Just so I can try to impress your exboyfriend?”
“No—”
“I have a shirt,” Jared says suddenly, drownin’ out the argument between Zach and me. “I brought a couple in case we went to a show or something.” He looks over at me, and I know he’s tryin’ to be nice. “I’m not that much bigger than you, Ang. It’ll be good enough.”
“Fine,” I say. But I can’t even look at Zach. There’s a knot in my stomach that I hate. Suddenly even my lunch doesn’t taste good, which sucks, ’cause like everything else in this place, it was expensive as shit.
We finish eatin’ and leave the restaurant. Zach and Jared walk ahead, and Matt falls back to walk next to me.
“You okay?” he asks.
    “Just can’t believe it,” I say. “We come all the way to Vegas, and run into Zach’s ex? What’re the odds?”
He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t gamble any more if I were you,” he says, “because as of this moment, you are without a doubt the unluckiest son of a bitch in this whole damn town.”
Like I needed him to tell me that.
B Y THE time we’re gettin’ dressed a few hours later, the knot of dread in my stomach has turned into a mountain. I feel that flutterin’ in my chest again—that fuckin’ bird. I haven’t had to deal with him much lately, but he’s there now, lettin’ me know he’s alive and well.
    After a stupid amount of discussion, they all decide I’m okay wearin’ my jeans, as long as I “dress them up” a little. What the fuck ever. I put on the shirt Jared gave me. It’s a little big, but it could be worse. Zach’s stuff is ’bout the same size, and I know he brought nice clothes too. But somehow, I’m wearin’ Jared’s shirt. It’s just plain weird.
    Then Zach pulls out a tie. ’Cause of course he brought not one of them, but two.
    To Vegas.
Sometimes I wonder how we manage to live this life together. He tries to hand me one, and I just stand there, starin’ at it. “Really?”
    I ask.
He smiles at me. “It’s only dinner.”
I take the tie, but I don’t put it on. I don’t even know how to tie the
    damn thing. And stupid as it is, I don’t wanna have to tell Zach that. He watches me for a second, and then he seems to catch on. He comes over and takes it from me. He puts it around my neck.
    “I need you to put your chin up,” he says gently.
    I can’t even fuckin’ look at him. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. I look at some spot over his shoulder while he gets it done, and then he turns me toward the mirror and stands behind me, with his hands on my arms.
    “You look great,” he says. I think he must be jokin’, but when I catch his eyes in the mirror, I’m surprised at what I see. Thought for sure he’d be laughin’ at me, but he’s not. I’ve seen that look in his eyes before, lotsa times, and it’s not laughter. Makes me smile. Then I look at myself.
    “Christ. Get me some eyeliner and a little hair gel, and I’ll look like Adam Lambert for you.”

    “Who?” Zach asks.
    “Never mind.” But I can see the interest in his eyes. “Why? You into that?”
He puts his arms ’round me from behind and puts his face in my hair. His voice is soft and sexy in my ear. “Are we talking