Coda Books 06 - Fear, Hope, and Bread Pudding (MM)

“I’m terrified, George.”
    “Of what?”
    “What if I make a mistake?”
    “Oh, no ifs about it. You will.”
    “Dad!”
    “It’s the truth, Jon. He’ll make mistakes, and so will you. Every parent does, without fail.”
    I sighed in frustration. “That’s not exactly encouraging.”
    “It’s not meant to be, but it’s the truth. The trick is to learn as you go. And to minimize the damage.” He smiled at Cole. “If the worst thing you ever do to her is use a cold cloth to wipe her bottom, you can chalk it up as a win.”
    Cole wasn’t reassured. “I want to get this right.”
    My dad smiled. He put his hand on Cole’s shoulder. “Listen to me, son.” That word, in and of itself, spoke volumes. I wondered if I’d ever heard him address Cole as “son.” He leaned close to look into Cole’s eyes, to emphasize how serious he was. “You’re going to be a wonderful father. And I’m not saying that to make you feel better. I mean it.”
    Cole smiled at him hesitantly. “Even though I’m a fruitcake?”
    My dad laughed. “Are you kidding? Because you’re a fruitcake. She’s going to be loved and cared for and doted on. She’s going to have fun. She’s going to grow up with an open mind and a billion possibilities ahead of her. She’ll be strong and smart and unafraid. She’s going to know she has two fathers and a grandfather who will do anything for her. Do you have any idea how amazing that is?”
    Cole ducked his head and put his hand over his eyes. I suspected he wanted to hide, but there was no place to go. I started to go to him, but it was my dad who pulled him into a reassuring hug. “You’ll be fine, son. Don’t you worry. You don’t need to redo the nursery. You don’t need another goddamn toy. And you don’t need the wipe-warmer. You have everything you need right here.”
    I swallowed against a lump in my throat. I could have kissed my dad at that moment, but I didn’t want to interrupt. I didn’t want to take his attention away from Cole, because Cole needed it more. Still, as I watched them, I found myself debating the goofiness of a group hug.
    “Listen, Cole,” my father said, without letting go. “I’m glad this came up.”
    “What?” Cole asked. He pulled away enough to meet my father’s eyes, wiping his cheeks as he did. “The fact that I’ll screw up?”
    “No,” my dad said. “The fact that all parents screw up. Not just yours.”
    Cole went very still, his fingers frozen on his damp cheeks. My dad went on, unaffected. “Your mother has asked if you’ll allow her to come when the baby’s born.”
    Cole took a step backward, away from my father. He flipped his hair back, off of his face. “She’s asked who?”
    “She’s asked me to discuss it with you.”
    “And you’re telling me I should?”
    “No, but I’m asking you to consider it.”
    It surprised me that the request would come through my father. Why hadn’t she called Cole herself? “What, are you her advocate now? She won you over?”
    He barely glanced at me. He was focused on Cole. “This isn’t a contest, Jon. I had a lot of time to get to know her in Munich after you left and—”
    Cole backed up so fast that he ran into the dresser behind him, knocking a green-and-pink lamp with a hand-painted lampshade to the floor. The lightbulb shattered. He didn’t seem to notice. “Oh dear God, I can’t believe this is happening. I know I suggested it when we first met, but you had to know I was joking. I never thought it would actually happen! George, how could you?”
    I’d been surprised by my father’s sudden uptake of Grace’s cause, but Cole’s outburst surprised me more. “What?” I asked.
    Cole turned to me. “Isn’t it obvious?”
    “Cole,” my father said, interrupting before Cole could answer. His cheeks had turned bright red. “Don’t change the subject. This is about you and Grace.”
    I saw several emotions flash across Cole’s features. Anger first, and resentment, then doubt, and finally, wary curiosity. But last came hope, and with it, fear. Always, the two together.
    “I’ll think about it,” he said. “That’s the best I can do.”
    My father nodded. “It’s good enough.”

    “I HAVE no idea what came over my father,” I said to Cole that night as we got ready for bed.
    He was already undressed, and he laughed and sat down on the bed to look at me. “Isn’t it obvious, Jon? It’s the same thing that’s been ‘coming over’ men