Coda 03 -The Letter Z

toward me, but not all the way. I could at least see his face in profile now as he stared out over the lake. “Angelo slept with Cole.”
    “ What? ” I wasn’t exactly logical when it came to Jared’s old fuck buddy, and my instinctual outrage was directed more at Jared than at Angelo.
    “You heard me.”
“And what?” I asked, my tone like ice. “You’re jealous ?”
    He turned on me, his face livid and angry. “ No !” he snapped. “That’s not it.” He hesitated for only a second, then said, “I think we both know I’m not the one who’s jealous of Cole.”
    He was right, of course. My assumption that he wanted Cole for himself was purely a product of my own imagination. I knew, once I took my emotions out of the equation, that Jared didn’t feel anything for him other than a fondness born from years of friendship. I took a deep breath, and made myself calm down. I needed to stop reacting as his lover, and start listening as his friend. I made myself think again about what he was telling me, without my own biases coloring it.
    “Angelo cheated on Zach?” I asked. I was calm now, the anger gone. My voice was back to normal.
    “Not exactly,” he said, and the challenge had gone from his voice too. We were done snapping at each other. “Is it cheating if Zach lets it happen?”
    I had to think about that for a bit. “You’re not jealous of Cole,” I finally said. “You’re jealous of Angelo. You wish I would give you the freedom Zach gives to him.”
    I was trying to imagine what it would be like, to know that Jared was with another man. I was wondering if I could stand knowing that somebody else was touching him, or kissing him, or fucking him. But to my relief, he said, “No.” His voice was gentle, but firm. When I looked at him, I found his gaze level on mine. “Not really. I can’t say the thought of sex with other men has never crossed my mind. We’re both male. I’m sure it’s crossed your mind too.”
    “Not so much with another man .”

    He laughed. “I should have known.” He looked back out across the lake. “I like what we have, Matt. I don’t want to change a thing.”
    “Are you sure?”
His gaze met mine again, and he said, “I’m positive.”
    “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day,” I said sincerely, and he smiled. His dark blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail. As usual, it wasn’t cooperating. Curls were sticking out all over the place. The sun on his face made the light freckles across his nose stand out. His eyes were blue and shining as he looked out across that stupid manmade lake. And right at that moment my heart seemed to swell inside of my chest, so big I wondered how it didn’t come bursting out of me. We lived our life together day to day. I was always happy with him, but it was a quiet, comfortable happiness built on friendship. And then seemingly out of the blue, I would have these sudden flashes of just how much he meant to me. Angelo called them my “amazed moments”. They always took my breath away.
    I stepped closer to him. I pulled the rubber band out of his hair, setting all of those unruly curls free. I grabbed a handful of them and tipped his head away from me so I could kiss the side of his neck.
    I didn’t care at that moment who saw us. I didn’t care if the whole world knew.
    “I love you,” I said as I kissed that soft spot just below his ear. He sighed a little, and I knew if I could see his face, I would find his eyes closed, as he tucked this moment away in his box too. He relaxed against me, and I wrapped my arms around him.
    “Say it again,” he whispered.
This time I looked in his eyes when I said it. “I love you.” He smiled at me. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.” I kissed him, and even though we were standing on a public street,
    he responded enthusiastically. I loved the feel of his arms tight around me and his strong, hard body pushing against mine. But it was only a second before he playfully pushed me away. “Stop,” he said teasingly. “I’m supposed to be feeling guilty.”
    “You’re right,” I conceded as I reluctantly let him go. “So if you’re not jealous of Ang, and you’re not jealous of Cole, what exactly is the problem?”
    “I guess I thought that Angelo was just doing what he wanted to do, regardless of how Zach felt about it. And I assumed that Zach was only letting him because he thought it was the only way to keep him.”
    “So you assumed Ang