Brother Cadfael 10: The Pilgrim of Hate

quarrelling, but to put away and smooth over everything that threatened the empress's fortunes and the peace he was trying to make. But condone murder, no, that he would not. Therefore I overheard the sentence he laid upon Ciaran, though then I did not know who he was, nor that Ciaran was his name. He banished him back to his Dublin home, for ever, and condemned him to go every step of the way to Bangor and to the ship at Caergybi barefoot, and carrying that heavy cross. And if ever he put on shoes or laid by the cross from round his neck, then his forfeit life was no longer spared, but might be taken by whoever willed, without sin or penalty. But see," said Luc, merciless in judgement, "how he cheated! For not only did he give his creature the ring that would ensure him the protection of the church to Bangor, but also, mark, not one word was ever made public of this guilt or this sentence, so how was that forfeit life in danger? No one was to know of it but they two, if God had not prevented and brought there a witness to hear the sentence and take upon himself the vengeance due."
    "As you did," said the abbot, and his voice was even and calm, avoiding judgement.
    "As I did, Father. For as Ciaran swore to keep the terms laid down on pain of death, so did I swear an oath as solemn to follow him the length of the land, and if ever he broke his terms for a moment, to have his life as payment for my lord."
    "And how," asked Radulfus in the same mild tone, "did you know what man you were thus to hunt to his death? For you say you did not see his face clearly or know his name then."
    "I knew the way he was bound to go, and the day of his setting out. I waited by the roadside for one walking north, barefoot, and one not used to going barefoot, but very well shod," said Luc with a brief, wry smile. "I saw the cross at his neck. I fell in at his side, and I told him, not who I was, but what. I took another name, so that no failure nor shame of mine should ever cast a shadow on my lady or her house. One Evangelist in exchange for another! Step for step with him I went all this way, here to this place, and never let him from my sight and reach, night or day, and never let him forget that I meant to be his death. He could not ask help to rid himself of me, since I could then as easily strip him of his pilgrim holiness and show what he really was. And I could not denounce him, partly for fear of Bishop Henry, partly because neither did I want more feuding between factions, my feud was between two men! But chiefly because he was mine, mine, and I would not let any other vengeance or danger reach him. So we kept together, he trying to elude me, but he was court-bred and tender and crippled by the miles, and I holding fast to him, and waiting."
    He looked up suddenly and caught the abbot's compassionate but calm eyes upon him, and his own eyes were wide, dark and clear. "It is not beautiful, I know. Neither was murder beautiful. And this blotch was only mine, my lord went to his grave immaculate, defending one opposed to him."
    It was Olivier, silent until now, who said softly: "And so did you!" The grave, thought Cadfael at the height of the Mass, had closed firmly to deny Luc entrance, but that arm outstretched between his enemy and the knives of three assailants must never be forgotten. Hell had also shut its mouth and refused to devour him. He was young, clean, alive again after a kind of death. Yes, Olivier had uttered truth. His own life ventured, his enemy's life defended, what was there between Luc and his lord but the accident, the vain and random accident, of the death itself?
    He recalled also, when he was most diligent in prayer, that these few days while Saint Winifred was manifesting her virtue in disentangling the troubled lives of some half-dozen people in Shrewsbury, were also the vital days when the fates of Englishmen in general were being determined, perhaps with less compassion and wisdom. For by this time the date of the empress's coronation might well be settled, the crown even now placed upon her head. No doubt God and the saints had that consideration in mind, too.
    Matthew-Luc came once again to ask audience of the abbot, a little before Vespers. Radulfus had him admitted without question, and sat with him alone, divining his present need.
    "Father, will you hear me my confession? For I need absolution from the vow I could not keep. And I do earnestly desire to be clean of the past before I undertake the