The Science of Discworld II

BY THE SAME AUTHORS:
TERRY PRATCHETT
THE CARPET PEOPLE • THE DARK SIDE OF THE SUN • STRATA
TRUCKERS • DIGGERS • WINGS • ONLY YOU CAN SAVE MANKIND
JOHNNY AND THE DEAD • JOHNNY AND THE BOMB
THE UNADULTERATED CAT (with Gray Jolliffe)
GOOD OMENS (with Neil Gaiman)
THE DISCWORD COMPANION (with Stephen Briggs)
THE PRATCHETT PORTFOLIO (with Paul Kidby)
T HE D ISCWORLD ® SERIES :
THE COLOUR OF MAGIC • THE LIGHT FANTASTIC • EQUAL RITES • MORT
SOURCERY • WYRD SISTERS • PYRAMIDS • GUARDS! GUARDS!
ERIC (with Josh Kirby) • MOVING PICTURES • REAPER MAN • WITCHES ABROAD
SMALL GODS • LORDS AND LADIES • MEN AT ARMS • SOUL MUSIC
INTERESTING TIMES • MASKERADE • FEET OF CLAY
HOGFATHER • JINGO • THE LAST CONTINENT • CARPE JUGULUM
THE FIFTH ELEPHANT • THE TRUTH • THIEF OF TIME
THE LAST HERO (with Paul Kidby)
THE AMAZING MAURICE AND HIS EDUCATED RODENTS
THE COLOUR OF MAGIC (graphic novel) • THE LIGHT FANTASTIC (graphic novel)
MORT: A DISCWORLD BIG COMIC (with Graham Higgins)
SOUL MUSIC: The illustrated screenplay • WYRD SISTERS: The illustrated screenplay
MORT—THE PLAY (adapted by Stephen Briggs)
WYRD SISTERS (adapted by Stephen Briggs)
GUARDS! GUARDS! (adapted by Stephen Briggs)
MEN AT ARMS (adapted by Stephen Briggs)
THE FIFTH ELEPHANT (adapted by Stephen Briggs)
THE STREETS OF ANKH-MORPORK (with Stephen Briggs)
THE DISCWORLD MAPP (with Stephen Briggs)
A TOURIST GUIDE TO LANCRE a Discworld Mapp (with Stephen Briggs and Paul Kidby)
DEATH’S DOMAIN (with Paul Kidby) • NANNY OGG’S COOKBOOK
THE SCIENCE OF DISCWORLD (with Ian Stewart and Jack Cohen)
IAN STEWART
CONCEPTS OF MODERN MATHEMATICS • GAME, SET, AND MATH
THE PROBLEMS OF MATHEMATICS • DOES GOD PLAY DICE?
ANOTHER FINE MATH YOU’VE GOT ME INTO
FEARFUL SYMMETRY • NATURE’S NUMBERS • FROM HERE TO INFINITY
THE MAGICAL MAZE • LIFE’S OTHER SECRET • FLATTERLAND
WHAT SHAPE IS A SNOWFLAKE? • THE ANNOTATED FLATLAND
JACK COHEN
LIVING EMBRYOS • REPRODUCTION • PARENTS MAKING PARENTS
SPERMS, ANTIBODIES AND INFERTILITY • THE PRIVILEGED APE
STOP WORKING AND START THINKING (with Graham Medley)
IAN STEWART AND JACK COHEN
THE COLLAPSE OF CHAOS • FIGMENTS OF REALITY
WHEELERS (science fiction) • EVOLVING THE ALIEN*
* in press



You spotted snakes with double tongue ,
    Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen;
    Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong ,
    Come not near our fairy Queen .
    I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say what dream it was. Man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was—there is no man can tell what. Methought I was, and methought I had, but man is but a patch’d fool, if he will offer to say what methought I had. The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man’s hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream was .
This is the silliest stuff that ever I heard .
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM
    I’m nae listenin’ to them! They’ve got warts!
ARTHUR J. NIGHTINGALE
THE SHORT COMEDY OF MACBETH
    A POLOGY : this book is a true account of events in the life of William Shakespeare, but only for a given value of ‘true’.
Warning: May Contain Nuts

ONE
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
    I N THE AIRY, CROWDED SILENCE of the forest, magic was hunting magic on silent feet.
    A wizard may be safely defined as a large ego which comes to a point at the top. That is why wizards do not blend well. That would mean looking like other people, and wizards do not wish to look like other people. Wizards aren’t other people.
    And therefore, in these thick woods, full of dappled shade, new growth and birdsong, the wizards who were in theory blending in, in fact blended out . They’d understood the theory of camouflage – at least they’d nodded when it was being explained – but had then got it wrong.
    For example, take this tree. It was short, and it had big gnarly roots. There were interesting holes in it. The leaves were a brilliant green. Moss hung from its branches. One hairy loop of grey-green moss, in particular, looked rather like a beard. Which was odd, because a lump in the wood above it looked rather like a nose. And then there was a blemish in the wood that could have been eyes …
    But overall this was