The Flesh Cartel #6: Brotherhood

Didn’t have to worry about anything because Nikolai would see to it. Didn’t even have to pay attention to things like what he was eating or drinking, because Nikolai already knew what he loved, and as long as he was good and made Nikolai happy, then Nikolai would give him all those things.
Just let him take care of you. That’s all he’s ever wanted.
Another strawberry. Another. Dougie let himself eat from Nikolai’s hand like the cherished pet he was. By the fourth strawberry, he was kissing Nikolai’s fingertips, lapping the sweet juices from his skin. Please love me. Please have me. I’ll be so good, I’ll be everything you want me to be. I’ll never let you down again. Just show me how. Show me how. He didn’t ever want to go back to how things had been before. Couldn’t go back to that. And there was nothing else to go back to now either, was there, not with Mat . . . with Mat . . .
Well, anyway, Nikolai was here, and Nikolai was being so kind to him, and gratitude overflowed like a too-full glass and so what if he could taste the desperation beneath it. That wouldn’t last forever and then maybe he could be happy again, truly happy.
Even if Mat had stopped loving him.
Mat . . .
Something deep in Dougie’s chest twanged, and it took him a moment to realize Nikolai was holding a slice of peach to his lips, endlessly patient. Dougie dutifully accepted it, chewed, swallowed. Looked up at Nikolai’s chin and brushed a hesitant kiss there—Is this okay? Too forward? Too . . . insincere? But Nikolai just smiled a happy little smile and kissed him back, square on the forehead, and said, “I like it when you do that, Douglas.”
Good. He’s happy. Maybe he won’t mind if I ask . . . “I’m glad, sir,” he said, and brushed another little kiss across Nikolai’s chin. Stubbled. Nikolai was never stubbled. He really had spent the night sitting vigil at Dougie’s side. The thought filled some of the empty spaces Mat had left inside his chest. “I was wondering . . .”
Nikolai kissed his forehead again, hummed in question. “Did, um . . . Did your client buy Mat?”
“Do you wish he did?”
Answering a question with another question. Worse, one Douglas found himself unsure about. A day ago this would’ve been so easy, but everything else had been so hard. Now . . . now maybe things were switching around and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, either.
“No, sir,” he finally decided, because even if Mat didn’t love him anymore, even if Mat thought him weak and disgusting and unworthy, he was still his brother and that man was a monster he wouldn’t wish on anyone. But what if that was the wrong answer? What if Nikolai wanted him to want Mat gone? He hastened to add, “I mean, I didn’t mean to say—”
“It’s all right, Douglas, I wanted the truth and you gave it to me. No need to be afraid.” Dougie slumped, relieved, against Nikolai’s chest and let Nikolai feed him a cube of sharp white cheddar. “And no, Mat’s earmarked for another. He’ll be with us a while yet.”
Again, Dougie didn’t know how to feel. Relieved again, mostly, but also . . . Well, the terrifying truth was that he didn’t want to have to think about Mat. Didn’t want to have to see him again, lay eyes on what he’d lost, because he had lost his brother, hadn’t he? God, Mat had been so ashamed of him yesterday, so disgusted that he wouldn’t even meet his eyes, let alone fight to save him. Had barely even hugged him hello after all the time they’d spent apart. It was Nikolai who’d charged in to save Dougie, Nikolai who’d punched his own client for what he’d done to Dougie. Nikolai who’d taken Dougie away from that awful man . . .
And left Mat behind with him. Oh God, oh no, he couldn’t have . . . Mat might hate Dougie now and Dougie was angry with Mat, had every fucking right in the world to be angry, but he couldn’t bear the thought . . .
“Um, sir?” Another hummed question, still so patient, maybe even a little amused. “Did . . . did that man hurt Mat?” Hurt him because you took me away?
Nikolai wrapped both arms around him, squeezed him gently but firmly. “Yes, Douglas, he did.” Dougie cringed, felt that hole in his chest gape wide again, and Nikolai squeezed him tighter. Dougie was upset with Mat, but God, not that much. “He hurt Mat just like Mat let him hurt you. All the things Mat sat by and watched and did nothing to stop from happening to you. Call it karma, if