Maybe the Moon

see me from a distance, any more than I could see them, they just assumed thatthe solitary blonde with the big casabas was out looking for action. They howled with exaggerated lust whenever we stopped at a light.
    “They’re so awful,” Renee said, the third or fourth time this happened.
    I looked up at her and cackled. “You love it.”
    “I don’t, either.”
    “Any of ’em cute?”
    “No. They’re gross. They’re practically naked.”
    “Where?” I undid my seat belt, scooted to my knees, and peered over the top of the door. Four shirtless skateboarders sat on a wall bordering a mini-mall. They weren’t my type, really. Too Matt Dillonish.
    “How ’bout I moon ’em?” I said.
    “Caaady.” Renee rolled her eyes and giggled.
    “Why not?”
    “You’re almost thirty, for heaven’s sake.”
    I feigned indignation. “Are you suggesting my moon isn’t what it used to be?”
    “Just chill out.”
    “It’d be so easy. We just open the door right here…”
    She reached across and pulled my hand off the handle. “What’s gotten into you?”
    “You don’t think I’d do it.”
    “Oh, I think you’d do it, all right.”
    We exchanged crooked smiles, understanding each other, so I abandoned the game. I wanted to tell her we couldn’t be victims, that we had to take a stand and give that shit right back to them, but I kept my mouth shut. I knew she’d get whiny and accuse me of lecturing again.
    I slid back down and refastened my seat belt. We just drove for a while, making rectangles. The sky became a ripe nectarine backdrop to the palm trees and Exxon signs that flickered past my line of vision. I filled my lungs with the spongy air and sank back against the seat, wallowing in the promise of summer. A tape deckin another car was playing “Kiss the Girl,” a Disney tune that sounded almost pagan on this pseudotropical evening.
    “Where we heading now?” I asked.
    “I dunno. Mulholland? Some place pretty?”
    “Go for it.”
    By the time we reached the hills, a purple twilight had come over them. Renee was so closemouthed on the way up that I began to wonder if something was eating her. If she had any major bombs to drop, I knew she’d save them for the very top, where long-established custom demanded that we get out of the car and watch the lights of the Valley.
    Then, as we wound around a steep canyon curve, I looked up and caught her frowning into the rearview mirror. “What’s the matter?” I asked.
    “Just some guys.”
    “Guys?”
    “In a car.”
    “Following us?”
    “I can’t tell.”
    I chuckled. “How do you do it? Is it a musk or something?”
    Renee didn’t answer, busy watching the mirror again. I could hear them hollering now, a rednecky sort of croon. The only word I could make out for certain was “dick.” Why is it that some guys can’t see a nice pair of boobs without bursting into a love song to their peckers? If it’s boobs they like, why don’t they talk about boobs?
    Renee’s face suddenly registered dread. “Oh, no.”
    “What?”
    “They’re pulling up next to us.”
    “Big deal.”
    “Don’t egg them on, Cady, please.”
    “Me?”
    “ Oowee, would you look at that ?” His voice was pure Orange County and came from just above the door next to me. I could seethe side of his hat, in fact, which had an American flag on it. “ Shit, man, she’s got a kid with her .”
    I restrained myself, looking straight ahead.
    “ Nah, it ain’t a kid. What the fuck is that ?”
    Renee whimpered at me. “Cady?”
    “What?”
    “What should I do?”
    “Just drive, OK? Faster.”
    “But…”
    “I’m not gonna moon ’em. Just keep driving.”
    “ You won’t fuckin’ believe this, man. She’s even got a friend for you !”
    I kept my eyes ahead of me and, ever so discreetly, gave him the finger.
    “ Ha ha…you see that? You see what that fuckin’ midget did ?”
    “Cady.” Renee cast me a desperate glance.
    “It’s all right,” I said, still flipping the bird. “Stay cool.”
    The guys lingered a moment longer, laughing like jackals, then shot ahead of us and screeched out of sight around the bend. Checking Renee for damage, I found her cheeks shiny with tears. This kind of stuff really gets to her, poor thing. She hasn’t dealt with it as long as I have.
    “How can they be so ugly?”
    “Practice,” I said.
    “If they knew who you were, they’d be so ashamed of themselves.”
    “We’re swerving, Renee.”
    “Oopsy…”