Devils Roses 05 - Death

dated. I am the only one who remembers anything. Well, Blake and me. I smile awkwardly. "Hey."
    They're dating again.
    Jessica is dating Shane again.
    I have to keep repeating it to believe it.
    Maybe she's the girl in O's vision.
    The girl he's happy with.
    Alise points to the house. "Careful, he has a cold." She looks around. "How did you get here?"
    I am frozen still. "I walked." Blake laughs.
    "From college? Dude." She rolls her eyes.
    "You home for the weekend?" Shane asks me, even though his eyes don’t meet mine. It's like he doesn’t want to look at me. I can't imagine what Dorian has said to him.
    I nod and swallow my feelings. Pushing them down is hard. I want to join the group and go out and be normal. I've never been normal. Somehow I always miss the boat. Or got run over by the friggen thing.
    Damned Dorian.
    Shane nods and knits his brow, still looking at his feet. "That's awesome. Try to catch up with us all. Jeeze Aimes, feels like it's been forever." His face blushes and I want so badly to read into it. I have to tell myself it is the right choice.
    Blake laughs again. I want to throw something at him.
    Alise gives me her fake smile. "Having a nerd weekend with dad?"
    I laugh.
    I wish.
    "Yeah. Something like that." I glance at Blake who crosses his arms.
    "Yeah, we'll be playing some serious video games at my place, hey Aimes? Pew pew pew." His eyes glisten. He knows there will be pew pew pew but it'll be real. He loves it.
    I nod again. I feel lost but Blake is still my beacon.
    Shane pulls on Jessica's hand. "It was nice seeing you Aimes, but we gotta go. See ya 'round."
    He drags her down the sidewalk and kisses her hand.
    He used to kiss my hand. We used to do normal things, like watch TV or shop for food and kiss in the aisles. It was short lived but I remember every detail.
    Blake flashes me a smile. He knows how much it all hurts. "See ya Aimes. I will call you later k? A little pew pew pew will make you feel better."
    I nod. "It will if you stop saying that."
    He laughs. I want to. They leave me, alone again.
    It's painful. No matter what happens or the people he dates, it's painful. The panic in my heart is real. The love I felt for him once is real. His memories of me are not. Dorian's mind tricks have worked. Shane doesn’t even register me.
    They all walk down the sidewalk and inside I cringe when he hugs Jessica and laughs. He is free from me. I know it's better and I know I asked Dorian to do it, but it still hurts.
    The warm wind is there suddenly, lifting my hair into the air. My skin prickles. My heart remembers where it's meant to be.
    My panic and fear and pain are gone instantly. He soothes the raw nerves and fills the gaps where I wish my life were normal.
    His arms wrap around me and pull me in. I melt into him.
    "I'm sorry. He kissed me."
    He growls. "I know."
    "Can't you beat him up or something?"
    "No. He's an archangel. Impossible to actually beat up. But I can get him very drunk and humiliate him, again."
    I laugh. "Wanna meet my dad?" I ask. I forget everything else.
    He nods against my face and kisses my cheek.
    I turn and am lost when I see him. His blue eyes melt my heart. Nothing else matters. Giselle is a ravenous psycho. Shane doesn’t recall the smallest of details. Lorri wants to eat Giselle. O and Trist have to kill their mom and I have to kill their dad. But none of it matters.
    Aleks squints. "Hurts still, huh?"
    I nod. I don’t mean to still love Shane. I know it was never the way I love Aleks. It never was true love, but it was love all the same.
    He kisses my forehead. "It'll get better. Be grateful he's safe."
    I nod again. I bite my lip watching his half smile. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss the uneven part of his lips. He watches me.
    "You look sad."
    I look to where my sister and the crowd are walking on the sidewalk.
    "It's not him I want. It's never been him. It's what he represents. I want us to be like them. I want you to be my boyfriend and take me to a party and be my date and hang with my sister and her friends. I want us to be normal. I want to pay bills and have a house and shop for food and get a cat. It's not fair. I already have a name for the cat, Shakespeare." I know that's what I loved about Shane in the end. It was never that I loved him more than Aleks, that wasn't possible. Not then and definitely not now. But I loved that he was real. A real man in the real world. It made me a real girl. Even before I was part of the underworld, he