Devils & Blue Dresses: My Wild Ride as a Rock and Roll Legend

healthy lifestyle. And, being not too terribly intelligent, I settled for something temporary and pleasurable. Like many from my class of people, I looked for the easy way. When fame hit I began spending the rest of my life enjoying it, destroying it, retrieving it and finally trying to prove myself deserving. Today I consider myself an artist of accomplishment. Because I took my street sensibilities to my masters and defied them in a very offensive manner, they punished me. They punished me by minimizing my accomplishments andthwarting my growth by trying to write me out of their elitist, subjective opinion on who deserved their praise.
    I applaud my peers––my fellow rock and roll artists––if they have found happiness in the membership of a musical genre that was never supposed to be defined. If anyone ever took the time to closely explore the lives, humiliations, pain and sacrifice made by the people who have given you so much pleasure, and who try to understand the true nature of the music business. . . .
    Now that my book is finished and I continue to move forward with my other creative projects, try to believe that my fellow artists and I love you all. We don’t have a lot, at least most of us don’t, and we don’t really expect a lot, but it would be nice to know that you understand we are no different than you. That would be a kind gift. I will continue to bring pleasant memories and pleasant performances to you as long as I can.
    I will end this with something for you all to ponder: More than half of my Christmas cards in the last decade have come from law firms and accounting firms.
    May God be with you, if that is what you need.
    Mitch Ryder
    September 2011

Foreword
     
    W HERE TO BEGIN ?
    Understanding something with your head is one thing. All it takes is a little brain power, some thought, and an armchair psychology degree. Making sense to your heart is something entirely different, and I love Billy (whom most of you know as Mitch) with all my heart.
    About two weeks ago Billy and I were discussing “us” while driving home from a gig. Billy looked at me and asked, “Have you always loved me, all the time?” I answered, “To my shame and horror, yes.” To understand that statement you have to get into my head, and more important, into my heart.
    My reality is that for Billy to have become a performer he had to develop a huge ego. When you describe someone as having an ego, many people imagine a person who thinks too highly of him- or herself. That is so far from the truth. Billy’s ego is very simply (but with oh so much complication) a defense mechanism for a wounded little boy with low self worth. Each time Billy steps into the spotlight, his very existence is on the line. It is like this big secret that everyone who has spent any amount of time with him knows. Mitch is little Billy’s alter ego, the persona he developed to survive the trauma of his youth.
    Having heard his stories about his early life it is really no mystery to me why he is the way he is. The puzzle that I have spent the better part of twenty years trying to grasp is that it has largely remained a mystery to him––mostly because he chooses not to explore it.
    Love has always been a confusing notion for Billy, because what he knew of it came with such a high price. When you don’t earn love just by virtue of your existence you are forced to understand the ugly commodities market where your body and soulare collateral. The younger the age at which you enter into this adult concept and the more traumatic the initiation, the more damage. Add to that the sexual identity issues that came from Billy’s experiences and it is a pretty lethal cocktail to have to swallow. I am, quite frankly, surprised that he is only as emotionally crippled as he is.
    Within this vacuum Billy was introduced to the narcotic of adoration. How could love ever compare to that? In his childish world, love was hurtful and elusive. Then, as an adult, love had the audacity to ask him to do the hard work of exploring his issues and becoming emotionally vulnerable? Not hardly.
    When you look at it comparatively, love says, “I love you but I also love myself. Therefore I have boundaries and expect you to respect me and my needs,” whereas adoration says, “I have no sense of myself and therefore no boundaries. So treat me as you will and I will still stand here and worship you.” Really, that is so much easier. No accountability. No