Too Far 01- Fallen Too Far

moment I have. And you…” I closed my eyes unable to look at him. “And you, and… and them… y’all disgraced her. The ugly lies that you spoke as if they were the truth.”
    “I’m so sorry you found out this way. I wanted to tell you. At first, you were just a product that would hurt Nan. I thought you’d cause her more pain. The problem was that you fascinated me. I’ll admit I was immediately drawn to you because you’re gorgeous. It was breathtaking. I hated you because of it. I didn’t want to be attracted to you. But I was. I wanted you bad that very first night. Just to be near you, God, I made up reasons to find you. Then… then I got to know you. I was hypnotized by your laugh. It was the most amazing sound I’d ever heard. You were so honest and determined. You didn’t whine or complain. You took what life handed you and worked with it. I wasn’t used to that. Every time I watched you, every time I was near you I fell a little more.” Rush took a step toward me and I held up both my hands to hold him back. I was taking deep breaths. I would not cry again. If he needed to tell me all this and completely devastate me even more then I would listen. I’d give him his closure because I knew I’d never get mine.
    “Then that night at the honky-tonk. You owned me after that. You may not have realized it but I was hooked. There was no going back for me. I had so much to make up for. I’d put you through hell since you’d arrived and I hated myself for it. I wanted to give you the world. But I knew… I knew who you were. When I let myself remember exactly who you were I would pull back. How could I be so completely wrapped up in the girl who represented my sister’s pain?”
    I covered my ears. “No. I won’t listen to this. Leave, Rush. Leave now!” I yelled. I didn’t want to hear about Nan. Her vile words about my mother rang in my ears and I felt the need to scream bubbling in my chest. Anything to block it out.
    “The day mom came home from the hospital with her I was three. I remember it though. She was so small and I remember worrying that something would happen to her. My mom cried a lot. So did Nan. I grew up fast. By the time Nan was three I was doing everything from fixing her breakfast to tucking her in at night. Our mom had married and now we had Grant. There was never any stability. I actually looked forward to the times my dad would come get me because I wouldn’t be responsible for Nan for a few days. I’d get a break. Then she began asking why I had a daddy and she didn’t.”
    “Stop!” I warned him, moving further down the wall. Why was he doing this to me?
    “Blaire, I need you to hear me. This is the only way you’ll understand.” His voice was broken. “Mom would tell her she didn’t have one because she was special. That didn’t work for every long. I went and demanded that mom tell me who Nan’s dad was. I wanted it to be mine. I knew my dad would take her places. Mom told me that Nan’s dad had another family. He had two little girls he loved more than Nan. He wanted those girls but he didn’t want Nan. I couldn’t understand how anyone couldn’t want Nan. She was my little sister. Sure, at times I wanted to kill her but I loved her fiercely. Then came the day Mom took her to see the family her father had chosen. She cried for months afterward.” He stopped and I sank down on the bed. He was going to make me listen to this. I couldn’t get him to stop.
    “I hated those girls. I hated that family that Nan’s dad had chosen over her. I swore one day I’d make him pay. Nan would always say maybe one day he’d come see her. She daydreamed about him wanting to see her. I listened to these dreams for years. When I was nineteen, I went looking for him. I knew his name. I found him. I left him a picture of Nan with our address on the back. I told him he had another daughter who was special and she just wanted to meet him. To talk to him.”
    That was five years ago. My stomach twisted. I felt sick. I’d lost Valerie five years ago. He’d left five years ago.
    “I did it because I loved my sister. I had no idea what his other family was going through. I didn’t care honestly. I only cared about Nan. You were the enemy. Then you walked into my house and completely changed my world. I always swore I’d never feel guilty for breaking up that family. After all, they had broken up Nan’s. Every moment I was with you the guilt at what I’d done