The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy With Autism

fewer in summertime, this can be a very big deal for people with tactile issues. Acting accordingly as situations change is a tough call.
    More generally, for a person with autism, being touched by someone else means that the toucher is exercising control over a body, which even its owner can’t properly control. It’s as if we lose who we are. Think about it – that’s terrifying!
    There’s also the dread that by being touched our thoughts will become visible. And if that happened, the other person would
really
start worrying about us. You see? We put up a barricade around ourselves to keep people out.

Q17 W HY DO YOU WAVE GOODBYE WITH YOUR PALM FACING YOURSELF?
    When I was small, I used to wave goodbye with my palm facing inwards when I was told, ‘Wave bye-bye!’ I found simple gym exercises and dancing quite impossible. The reason is that imitating movement is difficult for people with autism. Because we don’t know our own body parts so well, moving those parts of the body we can track with our eyes is our first step towards imitating movement properly.
    I never understood people when they told me that I was waving goodbye the wrong way round, until one day I saw myself in a full-length mirror. That was when I realized – I was waving goodbye to myself!

S LIP SLIDING AWAY
    ‘I can run faster than any of us!’ said the Hare, boing-ing away.
    ‘But we had a race a long time ago to settle this and I won,’ said the Tortoise, crossly. ‘I’m the fastest.’
    None of the other animals was at all interested. ‘Ah, who cares?’
    But the Hare insisted on having another race, so the Tortoise finally gave in and turned up to the starting line.
    The race between the Hare and the Tortoise was about to start.
    ‘Ready, steady, go!’
    The Hare dashed away at terrific speed.
    The Tortoise slipped and flipped over onto his back, at which all the other animals ran up to the Tortoise to see if he was all right: ‘Poor you, are you okay? You’d better go home and rest.’
    And so they all carried the Tortoise back to his house.
    The Hare reached the finishing line.
    Nobody was waiting but himself.

Q18 W HEN YOU’RE ON ONE OF YOUR HIGHS, WHAT’S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?
    Sometimes people with autism start laughing like a drain or appear to be having enormous fun on their own without any obvious reason for it. You must be wondering,
what on Earth’s gotten into him?
    At times like these, we’re having ‘imaginings’. Or not quite imaginings, but we experience pictures or scenes in our minds that pop up out of nowhere. Maybe it’s the memory of something that made us laugh, or maybe it’s a page from a book we read.
    This might be hard for you to understand. But try to see these ‘highs’ as a stronger version of those times when you remember something funny, and can’t help but chuckle about it.

Q19 W HAT ARE YOUR FLASHBACK MEMORIES LIKE?
    We do remember what we did, when, where, who we did it with and things like this, but these memories are all scattershot and never connected in the right order. The trouble with scattered memories is that sometimes they replay themselves in my head as if they had only just taken place – and when this happens, the emotions I felt originally all come rushing back to me, like a sudden storm. This is a flashback memory.
    I know I have lots of pleasant memories, but my flashback memories are always bad ones, and from out of the blue I get incredibly distressed, burst into tears or just start panicking. Never mind that it’s a memory from ages ago – the same helpless feeling I had then overflows and floods out and it just won’t stop.
    So when this happens, just let us have a good cry, and then we can get back onto our feet. Maybe the racket we make will get on your nerves a bit, but please try to understand what we’re going through, and stay with us.

Q20 W HY DO YOU MAKE A HUGE FUSS OVER TINY MISTAKES?
    When I see I’ve made a mistake, my mind shuts down. I cry, I scream, I make a huge fuss, and I just can’t think straight about anything any more. However tiny the mistake, for me it’s a massive deal, as if Heaven and Earth have been turned upside down. For example, when I pour water into a glass, I can’t stand it if I spill even a drop.
    It must be hard for you to understand why this could make me so unhappy. And even to me, I know really that it’s not such a big deal. But it’s almost impossible for me to keep my emotions contained. Once I’ve