S Is for Silence

struggled to speak. I was trying to be patient, but silences like hers make me want to bite someone.
    “You want…what?” I said, rolling my hand at her.
    “I want to know if she’s alive or dead.”
    “You have any intuitions about that?”
    “None that I can trust. I don’t know which is worse. Sometimes I think one thing and sometimes the opposite. If she’s alive, I want to know where she is and why she’s never been in touch. If she’s dead, I might feel bad, but at least I’ll know the truth.”
    “An answer either way would be a stretch by now.”
    “I know, but I can’t live like this. I’ve spent my whole life wondering what happened to her, why she left, whether she wanted to come back but couldn’t for some reason.”
    “Couldn’t?”
    “Maybe she’s in prison or something like that.”
    “There’s been absolutely no word from her in thirty-four years?”
    “No.”
    “No one’s seen her or heard from her.”
    “Not that I know.”
    “What about her bank account? No activity?”
    Daisy shook her head. “She never had checking or savings accounts.”
    “You realize the implications. She’s probably dead.”
    “Then why weren’t we notified? She took her purse when she left. She had her California driver’s license. If she was in an accident, surely someone would have let us know.”
    “Assuming she was found,” I said. “The world’s a big place. She might have driven off a cliff or she might be at the bottom of a lake. Now and then someone slips through the cracks. I know it’s hard to accept, but it’s the truth.”
    “I just keep thinking she might have been mugged or abducted, or maybe she had some disease. Maybe she ran away because she couldn’t face up to it. I know you’re wondering what difference it makes, but it matters to me.”
    “Do you really believe she’ll be found after all this time?”
    She leaned toward me. “Look, I have a good job at a good salary. I can afford whatever it takes.”
    “It’s not about that. It’s about the probabilities. I could waste a lot of my time and a shitload of your money, and at the end of it, you’d be right back where you are. I can as good as guarantee it.”
    “I’m not asking for any kind of guarantee.”
    “Then what?”
    “Help me, that’s all. Please tell me you’ll try.”
    I sat and stared at her. What was I supposed to say? The woman was earnest. I had to give her that. I looked down at my plate, then used an index finger to pick up a fallen glop of cheese that I put on my tongue. Still tasty. “Let me ask you this. Didn’t someone investigate the disappearance at the time?”
    “The sheriff’s department.”
    “Great. That’s good. Have you asked what they did?”
    “That’s something I was hoping you’d do. I know my dad filled out a missing-persons report. I’ve seen a copy so I’m sure he talked to at least one detective, though I don’t remember his name. He’s retired now I think.”
    “That’s probably easy enough to find out.”
    “I don’t know if Tannie mentioned this, but Dad thinks she was having an affair and the two of them ran off.”
    “An affair. Based on what?”
    “Based on her past behavior. My mother was wild…at least that’s what everybody says.”
    “Assuming there’s a guy, do you have any idea who?”
    “No, but she did have enough money tucked away to support herself. For a while, at any rate.”
    “How much?”
    “That’s a subject of debate. She claimed fifty thousand dollars, but that was never verified.”
    “Where’d she get that kind of money?”
    “From an insurance settlement. As I understand it, there was a problem when I was born. I guess the doctor botched the delivery, and she had to have an emergency hysterectomy. She hired a lawyer and sued. Whatever she collected, she signed a confidentiality clause promising she wouldn’t disclose the details.”
    “Clearly, she did.”
    “Well, yes, but nobody believed her. She did keep something in a safe-deposit box she rented in a bank down here and she emptied that the week she left. She also took the Chevy my dad bought her the day before.”
    “Tannie says there’s been no sign of that either.”
    “Exactly. It’s like she and the car were both vaporized.”
    “How old was she when she disappeared?”
    “Twenty-four.”
    “Which would make her what, now, fifty-eight or so?”
    “That’s right.”
    “How long were your parents married?”
    “Eight years.”
    I may be