Love Means Courage - Andrew Grey

man’s face, taking in the slight crinkles around the eyes and the hairline that was just starting to recede. It was a handsome, warm, gentle face that matched the rest of him.
    “You don’t want me to think this is anything more than it is.
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Love Means Courage
    We get together every few weeks, watch a movie, have dinner, and then fall into bed together. You like that; I like that. But when it’s over, you feel like you need to leave.” Tim looked so disappointed that Len leaned forward to kiss that look away, but Tim didn’t let him. “I know I’m not the love of your life—you’re twenty-one, and I’m nearly forty. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.” He stopped, and Len waited for him to continue. Tim sighed. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say, other than the fact that you don’t need to rush off. I’m not going to fall in love with you in the next half hour.”
    “I just didn’t want to be unfair to you. You’ve been a good friend,” Len tried to explain. Tim had been a great friend. Len had met him a year earlier while he was cruising the gay magazine section of the only newsstand in the entire county that carried things like that. He’d been horny beyond belief, and he’d watched as a handsome older man entered the store and walked to the same section where Len was leafing through magazines, trying to keep his embarrassment under control. Tim had told him later that he’d looked into Len’s scared face and almost laughed. But instead of laughing, Tim had talked to him, really talked to him. It was one of the first times in his life that Len had realized that there were other men like him. Men who liked other men but didn’t dress like women, act all froofy, or lisp. They acted normally.
    After talking to him for a while, Tim had asked, “Would you like to get a cup of coffee?” Len must have looked like a deer in headlights because Tim continued with, “It’s only coffee, and we can talk.”
    “Okay.” Len was nervous, but he’d followed the man out of the store and down the street to a small café where they got a table in the corner. Tim had introduced himself, and they’d talked. Well, Tim talked, and Len listened. When they’d finished their coffee, Tim had given Len his phone number and told him to call if he 12
    Andrew Grey
wanted to talk again. Len had just held the card as he watched Tim leave the café.
He’d called him a few days later, they’d gotten together for dinner, and things had progressed from there.
Len shifted on the bed, slinking his arms around Tim’s neck.
    “You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Tim grinned. “No, I’m not. I’m an old man who gets to sample some of your energy every once in a while.” Len knew from Tim’s smile that there was some grain of truth in what he’d said.

    Len lightly swatted Tim’s side. “Yes you are.” He really was a good person. Tim had shown him a lot, not just in the bedroom, and had helped him accept who he was. “You’ve been a good friend.”
    “So have you.” Len felt Tim kiss him on the forehead, and then the bed dipped as Tim got up. Len followed suit and began to get dressed. Something was different, and as Len pulled on his pants, he realized that Tim was sending him on his way. Len thought over how he felt about it as he finished dressing.
    “I’m going to miss you.” Len sat on the edge of the bed and tied his shoes.
    “I’m going to miss you, too, but it’s probably best for both of us,” Tim said. Len finished dressing and stood near the foot of the bed, looking at Tim dressed in his robe. Tim pulled him into a deep hug, holding him tight, and Len got the feeling this was harder for Tim than he was letting on. After a long while, he felt Tim’s arms relax. “I’ll walk you to the door.” Tim led him out of the bedroom and through the small apartment. It was then that he noticed the boxes stacked on the corners.
    “Are you moving?” That explained some things.
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Love Means Courage
“Yeah. I got a good job in Chicago, and I can’t turn it down, not in this economy.”
“I understand.” Len opened the door. “Bye, Tim.”
    “Bye, Lenny. Be happy.” Len turned and smiled as the apartment door closed with a soft click. He would be. More than anything else, Tim had helped him admit to himself, without really realizing it, that he was gay. He wasn’t ready to share that knowledge with other people yet, but at least he could admit it to himself,