Ghost Time

cannot be shared, no matter what you see, but watching, I felt tingly all over, then numb, and then my mouth started watering like I was about to heave. That’s not us , I thought, swallowing back.
    Then my phone rang again, and I almost jumped out of my skin, checking. It was Karen again, so I didn’t know if I shouldanswer or not, because all I could think was that she was about to tell me she was watching the video, too. So my hands were totally shaking when I answered, and then Karen said, It’s me, Thea. Just wanted to let you know that I spoke with the police and I’m filing a missing person report. Okay, I said, still staring at my computer screen, and Karen said, They’d like to talk to you, as well. Is that all right? My stomach let out this huge gurgle, but I said, Yes, of course. I waited, holding my breath, but she didn’t say anything about the video, and then I asked her if she wanted me to go to the police station with her, and she said no, they’d be in touch.
    So after we hung up, like two seconds later, I turned back to my computer, and the video was gone. No, seriously, it was gone. There was an error message, and I tried checking the history, but it wasn’t in the history. So right way, I reached for my phone, but then Cam’s e-mail was gone, too—both the video and his e-mail were gone. Honestly, I clicked and clicked, looking for it, like, What the fuck? Nothing. I must have been dreaming—a waking dream, delirious, I—I don’t know. Too little sleep, too much stress—I don’t know what. But I swear, it was real: I saw it. So I sat down again, and I sat there, until my mom knocked, telling me to get a move on or I’d miss the bus. I mean, seriously, I felt like I was losing my mind, and I was this close to shouting, Mom, there’s a video of me and Cam having sex on YouTube, you think I care about the bus ? But I didn’t say a word.
    The cops came right before lunch. I got a pink note at the end of fifth period that said I needed to go to the principal’s office, soon as the bell rang. So I went to the office, and the secretarytold me Cheswick was waiting for me in the conference room. So then I walked to the conference room and knocked, and Cheesy, Principal Cheswick says, Come in. So I walk in, and Cheswick’s standing there in front of the door, and he says, Thea, shut the door, please. So I shut the door, and Cheswick says, Thea, sit down please, and there’s this guy, standing there at the end of the table, smiling at me, and Cheesy says, Thea, this is Detective Knox, and the man says, Hello, Thea. He’s old, but kinda good-looking, I guess: tall, dark hair, dark eyes. Anyhow, the cop, Knox or whatever, he goes, Thea, I’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s all right? I couldn’t even answer. I mean, can you believe they say that? Like when he said that to me, I was so weirded out, because that’s what you hear on TV, and I kept thinking, This isn’t happening, this isn’t really happening …. But it was.
    Is this about Cam? I said, and Detective Knox nodded and he goes, Have you seen or spoken to him since Monday night? I said, No, and he said, Cameron hasn’t contacted you at all? I said, No. And he goes by Cam—nobody calls him Cameron. He nodded and smiled, like he genuinely appreciated me telling him, then he goes, Do you have any idea where Cam is, Thea? I said, No, and he said, You don’t have any idea where he could be? I go, No, I have no idea. But is it true that if you don’t find someone in the first twenty-four hours, you probably won’t ever find them? It just came out, and Knox balked, then he tilted his head side to side, yes and no. He goes, In child abduction cases, yes, but Cam’s not a child; he’s of legal age. And as far as we know, he hasn’t been kidnapped.
    I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at my feet, and Knox waited before he said anything. Then he goes, Thea, I’m sorry to have to ask you so many personal questions, but how long have you two been dating, you and Cam? I could feel Knox shoot Cheesy a look, like, whatever he was hearing in this room, it went no further. Knox wasn’t asking Cheesy, either, he was telling him; confidential. I said, Since the beginning of school, last year, and he goes, Did you know each other before then? And I said, No, and he said, So you never spoke before that? No, I said, and he goes, Never saw each other around? I go, No, I’d never seen him before that, and he goes,