Gaits of Heaven

close to Ted, Rita, Johanna, Monty, and the hospital social worker, all of whom were seated on the couches near the fireplace. In armchairs in a corner of the room were the participants in the meeting who hadn’t been assigned to any of the subgroups: the Reiki woman, the acupuncturist, the massage therapist, the herbalist, and George McBane’s lawyer, Oona Sundquist. Anita had startled everyone into silence. Tall and thin, dressed entirely in white, her long blond hair disheveled, she’d have stood out if she’d done nothing more than stroll quietly into the room. Like everyone else, I was staring at her. Weirdly enough, she’d respected the custom of the house by removing both shoes, not just the one she’d used as a hammer. In her right hand was the mezuzah. In her left, she still held the sheaf of papers that Sammy had snatched.
    “Anita,” said Ted Green, “you need to get control of yourself. You’re not feeling well.”
    “I have never felt better in my life!” she shrieked. “No thanks to you! I’m going to sue you! You misdiagnosed me, and you mistreated me, and you duped me into making apologies for things I didn’t do! You and your goddamned trauma! I have never been traumatized in my life! I have been depressed! And I want my money back!”
    While my attention had been focused on Anita, Kevin had slipped out of the room and returned with all the physicians who’d been meeting in the kitchen. Although I only glanced at them, I noticed that Vee Foote looked asleep on her feet. Her eyes were heavy, and her head was almost lolling.
    “That wonderful doctor,” said Anita, pointing to Dr. Foote, “understands my depth and my strength and my creativity!” Dr. Foote summoned the energy to mumble something. “What did she say?” I whispered to Kevin.
    “She said, ‘Oh, shit’,” he informed me.
    “What have you done to my client?” Ted demanded. “What did you give her?”
    “Pills!” replied Anita. “Beautiful pills! Who thought they’d work so fast?” Stretching out the syllables, she almost sang, “Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. See-lec-tive! See? See Dick run! Dick!”
    As Anita was elaborating in an obscene fashion that there is no need to report in detail, I finally realized that we were witnessing a psychiatric emergency and that someone, damn it, should do something about it. Rita must have had the same thought. She stood up. At the same time, the door to the family room opened, and in came Caprice, Wyeth, Missy Zinn, and Peter York, followed by Barbara, George, and Dolfo.
    In a moment of sanity, Anita said, “Christ, what an ugly dog!”
    “Dolfo,” said Ted. “My beautiful boychick! Come to Daddy!”
    “Cut the Yiddish,” Anita ordered him. “You phony!” She frantically waved the papers. “You’re as Jewish as I am.”
    Ted shook his head sadly. “You? Anita, I don’t think so. Now, Dolfo? We talked about having a bark mitzvah, Eumie and I did, but... Anita, listen to me. You’re having a reaction to your medication.” He shrugged elaborately. “These wonder drugs? They do this now and then.”
    “I know everything about you!” Anita hollered. “Arkansas!” She brandished the papers. “My PI got the dirt on you! And you’re a big fat liar! You’re from Arkansas, you dick! Dickhead! Gentile Arkansas dickhead!”
    Since Barbara and George had been in my dog group rather than in the doctors’ group, I’d almost forgotten that they were both psychiatrists. Fortunately, Rita remembered, as did they. Rita, who was ordinarily too much of a lady ever to point at anyone, now pointed directly at them. They nodded. Barbara handed Dolfo’s leash to Ted and moved slowly and calmly toward Anita. George followed her. The other psychiatrists, I might note, were standing uselessly around or, in Dr. Foote’s case, snoozing around. She had dropped into a chair and fallen asleep. If Dolfo had hung around or gone to sleep, or if Ted Green had maintained control of his dog, Barbara and George might have succeeded in leading Anita away or persuading her to go to a hospital, which was where, as I now realized, she belonged.
    But that’s not what happened. As Ted was explaining that his was the only Jewish family in their little town in Arkansas and that his mother’s maiden name was Epstein, for God’s sake, and as Anita was saying that O’Flaherty was a funny was to pronounce Epstein , Dolfo acted exactly as Sammy had done: when Anita shook the papers