Faster We Burn

acted on and it wasn’t going to happen again. Especially after my little breakdown.
    The last time I had sex with Zack, he’d made me cry, too. Maybe it was a conditioned reaction for me now. Sex and crying.
    “Are you sure you’re okay?” Audrey asked as she handed me her empty container at the end of the second movie. I didn’t know how she ate so much ice cream and still kept that thin. Good genetics, probably. I got up to toss the ice cream containers and took a deep breath so I wouldn’t say something I would later regret.
    “I love you guys. Both of you. But if you don’t stop asking me if I’m okay, I’m going to freak out, and I really can’t handle that right now. Zack and I broke up, I’m moving on. Got it?”
    They both nodded like bobble head dolls.
    “I’m not trying to be a bitch, because it’s so sweet that you care and that you’re willing to give up your lives to make sure I don’t go off the deep end, but enough is enough. I need some air.”
    Audrey spoke first, her eyes not meeting mine.
    “We’re sorry. We just didn’t know what else to do.” Yup, I felt like a bitch anyway.
    “It was Lottie’s idea. Blame her,” Trish added. I wished she hadn’t mentioned Lottie. She was off on a date with Zan, even though she knew he and I had slept together. She must really love him.
    “I hope she doesn’t hate me,” I said, sitting next to Audrey again.
    “It’s not like you could have known,” Audrey said
    “Not to be creepy or anything, but how did it happen?” Trish said. “I just don’t see the two of you hitting it off.”
    “It was one of those really, really stupid decisions you regret the second after you make it, but it’s too late. Let’s just say I’d had a really bad week, it was summer, I was drunk and he was willing. I don’t remember much of it, but enough to know that it happened. And then Zack noticed me and that was it.”
    When it came to charm, Zack had it in spades. He’d said all the right things that made me feel all warm and fluttery inside, and before I knew it, we were going at in the bed of his truck, and then we were just together. And now we weren’t.
    I shrugged because it seemed so minor now. None of it mattered anymore.
    We got through another movie and made nachos before Lottie came back from her date with Zan. She should have been spending the night in his room, but she probably wanted to make sure I was okay, which made me feel even more like a bitch.
    “Hey, how was your date?” Audrey said, yawning.
    “Good. Really good. How are you?” The last part was directed toward the group, but meant for me.
    “I’m fine.” She nodded and I could sense one of her famous word volcanoes was about to erupt. She always took a deep breath before she started one so she could talk without having to interrupt the flow by breathing. It was annoying at first, but I’d gotten used to it.
    “Okay good. Because I know it’s weird that you had sex with him and now I’m dating him, but I don’t want things to be weird because it’s not your fault. I mean, you didn’t know me and you didn’t know that he and I were going to end up together. So it’s okay. Just so you know.” She looked scared after she finished, as if she was worried about how I would respond. I sighed and tossed the empty bag of tortilla chips in the trash.
    “It’s fine, Lot. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me. I shouldn’t have told you like that. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was afraid you’d hate me.”
    Trish and Audrey looked like they felt uncomfortable, but Lottie and I needed to do this now to clear the air. She took everything so personally and I wanted her to know that I was fine with her and Zan, as long as she was happy. My mistakes with the Parker brothers weren’t hers.
    “I don’t hate you. I just didn’t want things to be weird,” she said.
    “Come on ladies, hug it out,” Trish said, getting up and pulling Lottie across the room. “Come on, roommate hug.”
    Lottie and I hugged, which ended up with us giggling, rocking back and forth, trying to tip the other one over.
    “See? Works every time,” Trish said, patting both of us on the back as if we’d just won a football game.
    “Okay, okay,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It’s late and I’m tired.”
    “We’ll get going,” Audrey said, gathering her movies and her coat. “See you tomorrow? Library date?”
    “You’re on,” I said, giving her a