The Reunion

pitcher of ice-cold water and took it upstairs. The room was rank, close; it smelt of sweat and vomit and worse. Lilah lay on her side in the middle of the bed, the sheets and blankets stripped back, her skin slick and grey. Zac held her hands, Natalie crouched behind her, pressing a cold cloth to the back of her neck.
    ‘Is she… with us?’ Jen asked.
    ‘Who’s she?’ came a croak from the bed. ‘The cat’s mother?’
    She drifted in and out, from lucidity to hallucination; she ebbed and flowed.
    ‘Where’s Con, Jen? Is he out back?’
    ‘Conor’s not here, Lilah. He’s not here, darling.’
    ‘Oh. Are you sure? He was here yesterday. Just out…’ She tried to raise an arm to point out back to the woods, but could lift it no more than a few inches from the bed. ‘Out there. The edge of the trees. You can see him, if you look. Red hoodie. He’s wearing that red hoodie, the one he always wears.’ He was wearing it the day he died.
    ‘OK, Lilah. I’ll go and find him later.’
    From downstairs, Jen heard a cry.
    ‘That’s Isabelle, sweetheart, I’m going to go down and get her, OK?’
    ‘Give her a kiss,’ Lilah said. ‘Give her a kiss from me.’
    Jen slipped at the top of the stairs. She clawed at the stone walls to right herself, ripping a fingernail to the quick. She bit down hard on her lip to stop from crying out and stumbled down the rest of the way, leaving a smear of blood on the wall where she’d cut herself. Her legs trembled. She was exhausted. She hadn’t slept in more than twenty-four hours, she’d barely eaten. She washed the blood from her hands and went to comfort Isabelle. She didn’t want to carry the baby back upstairs to that stuffy, stinking room; she was afraid she might fall again, that she might hurt her daughter.
    She took her outside instead, hurrying to the shade of the hammock. She climbed in and lay down, Isabelle hot and angry, squirming against her chest. Jen closed her eyes and they rocked and rocked until eventually she quietened.
    Dan and Andrew came out a little while later. They brought cold water with them, and sat on the grass next to the hammock. No one said anything, they sat in silence, listening to the lightest of breezes whispering through the leaves above them, the occasional twitter of birdsong, the low moan, in the distance, of cattle. And then they heard a terrible noise, a cry of agony, like a wounded bear. It was Zac, and they knew then that she was gone.

 
     
    27 June 1995
    Greetings, my darling Nat, from the slopes of sunny Winchmore Hill,
    Actually it’s pissing it down and I feel like I’ve been here forever. Am so bloody bored. All that time being desperate for finals to be over and now they are and I’m stuck in London with no one to play with, because Drew’s in Reading with his parents and you’re in bloody Wiltshire or wherever it is and Jen and Conor have gone to Cork to see Conor’s mum. Dan’s around, but he’s got some girl and he’s too busy shagging to hang out with me.
    I cannot wait to leave for France. Even if we do have to spend the summer doing manual labour. And there’s no swimming pool. Never fear, we’ll get Drew to drive us to the beach (on our days off!) and have the very best time.
    And (drum roll, s’il vous plaît), I have a job! I will be a low-paid lackey at Red, a PR firm in Soho (woo-hoo), starting from September.
    And (another drum roll), Drew and I are going to move in. It’s decided. I was thinking of staying with Mum to save money but she is driving me crazy – every time I pour myself a drink she tuts and rolls her eyes (like she’s not a total lush!).
    So how bloody great is that going to be? Parties at our place? We will fix you up with a divine young man as soon as you move to London (assuming you don’t pull something hot on the beach in France…)
    I am counting my blessings…
    I never have to write another exam again.
    I have a job.
    I have an amazing boyfriend.
    I weigh 117 pounds (yesssss! Only five more pounds to go).
    I have the best friends, the loveliest friends, and most of all, Nat my darling, I have you. Awwww… But it’s true, Nat, you are top of my pyramid, my very best friend, forever and ever.
    We are going to have the greatest summer. It’s going to be epic, baby.
    Lots and lots of love
    Lilo xoxoxoxoxo

Chapter Fifty

    NATALIE SLEPT IN the hammock the night that Lilah died, and for two nights after that. She barely came into the house. Andrew brought her food