Light in the Shadows

café and knew I needed to get back to work.  The place was slammed. 
     
                     I had been working at Java Madness for two weeks.  I had just been taken off of probation three days ago and here I was, nursing a nasty burn and ready to throw my apron on the floor and stomp out.   For some reason, I was really struggling with coffee making and waiting tables.  You wouldn't think it would be akin to brain surgery, but I had dropped more trays, broken more mugs and gotten more orders wrong in the last two weeks than seemed acceptable.
     
                     The manager, Jacob, looked ready to can me last night when I had a table complain about how I screwed up their sandwich order, not once, but twice.  I was trying.  Honestly.  But as with everything in my life anymore...it was just a struggle.  Nothing was easy and normal anymore and it was difficult putting all the pieces together into a picture that made sense. 
     
                     Jake Fitzsimmons had been working at Java Madness for a year and was trying to help me keep my job.  I gave him a wan smile as he ran his fingers over the burn lightly.  I tried not to rip my hand away from him, not liking him touching me in any way.   But it wasn't like he was trying to cop a feel.  He was just being concerned.
     
                    After a few more seconds, I couldn't help it; I wriggled my arm from his grasp.  “I'll live,” I muttered, turning back to the espresso machine that had already maimed me once.  I glared at the shiny, silver contraption.  “Play nice,” I directed its way under my breath.
     
                     Jake laughed as I started to fiddle with the nobs.  He reached from behind me and put two mugs under the spigots and turned it on.  “Thanks,” I said; giving him what I hoped was a sincere smile.  I would seriously be lost in this place if he didn't continuously rescue me from coffee related mishaps. 
     
                     “You'll get it...eventually,” he teased, turning back to the display case.  I waited for the drinks and leaned against the counter.  Jake looked up at me, his eyes sparkling in that flirty way of his and I had to look away.  Jake was cute and at one time, I had found his boy next-door good looks to be attractive. With his short red hair and pretty blue eyes, what wasn’t there to like?   But that was before I had been ruined for any guy that wasn't the dark headed, tortured lone wolf type.   
     
                    Jake's smile immediately made me feel uncomfortable.  Jake and I had an easy banter.  Always had.  Even if he had never been exactly subtle in the fact that he wanted more than friendship.  But he hadn't pushed it since...well...since the incident.
     
                     God, I couldn't even think about it properly in the privacy of my own thoughts.  I couldn't think about him at all, not while I was out in public.  Otherwise, I ran the risk of turning into a huge blubbering mess.  And I had vowed to myself six weeks ago when I had gotten the letter, that I wouldn't become that person...ever again.
     
                     But I still felt strange being around people.  Like they were all looking at me and talking about me and feeling...gah...SYMPATHY for me.  And I hated that.  Because I didn't need or deserve their sympathy.  But I was the girl who had run off with her mentally unstable boyfriend, only to be brought back to town after his suicide attempt and being subsequently institutionalized.  Nothing was a secret in Davidson, so of course everyone knew the sordid details. 
     
                     And boys...well they were out of the question.  Dating, kissing, maybe loving anyone else was so not on my radar.  Not when every night when I fell asleep I did so with the picture of his face ever present in my mind. 
     
                     And Jake.  Sweet, good hearted Jake.  We were just friends.  Would only ever be friends.  But I saw the way he looked at me.  I wasn't an idiot.  I was just refusing to acknowledge it.  Denial seemed to work for me, so I stuck with it.
     
                  I put the small, circular tray on the counter and loaded it up with drinks.  “Maybe you should come back and get the rest,” Jake suggested, indicating my full tray.  His raised eyebrows made