Guards! Guards!

down, for example, any oppressive vegetable shops?”
    Ah …
    He’d won. There’d be dragons again. And a king again. Not like the old kings. A king who would do what he was told.
    “That,” said the Supreme Grand Master, “depends on how much help you can be. We shall need, initially, any items of magic you can bring…”
    It might not be a good idea to let them see that the last half of de Malachite’s book was a charred lump. The man was clearly not up to it.
    He could do a lot better. And absolutely no one would be able to stop him.
    Thunder rolled…

    It is said that the gods play games with the lives of men. But what games, and why, and the identities of the actual pawns, and what the game is, and what the rules are—who knows?
    Best not to speculate.
    Thunder rolled…
    It rolled a six.

    Now pull back briefly from the dripping streets of Ankh-Morpork pan across the morning mists of the Disc, and focus in again on a young man heading for the city with all the openness, sincerity and innocence of purpose of an iceberg drifting into a major shipping lane.
    The young man is called Carrot. This is not because of his hair, which his father has always clipped short for reasons of Hygiene. It is because of his shape.
    It is the kind of tapering shape a boy gets through clean living, healthy eating, and good mountain air in huge lungfuls. When he flexes his shoulder muscles, other muscles have to move out of the way first.
    He is also bearing a sword presented to him in mysterious circumstances. Very mysterious circumstances. Surprisingly, therefore, there is something very unexpected about this sword. It isn’t magical. It hasn’t got a name. When you wield it you don’t get a feeling of power, you just get blisters; you could believe it was a sword that had been used so much that it had ceased to be anything other than a quintessential sword, a long piece of metal with very sharp edges. And it hasn’t got destiny written all over it.
    It’s practically unique, in fact.

    Thunder rolled.
    The gutters of the city gurgled softly as the detritus of the night was carried along, in some cases protesting feebly.
    When it came to the recumbent figure of Captain Vimes, the water diverted and flowed around him in two streams. Vimes opened his eyes. There was a moment of empty peace before memory hit him like a shovel.
    It had been a bad day for the Watch. There had been the funeral of Herbert Gaskin, for one thing. Poor old Gaskin. He had broken one of the fundamental rules of being a guard. It wasn’t the sort of rule that someone like Gaskin could break twice. And so he’d been lowered into the sodden ground with the rain drumming on his coffin and no one present to mourn him but the three surviving members of the Night Watch, the most despised group of men in the entire city. Sergeant Colon had been in tears. Poor old Gaskin.
    Poor old Vimes, Vimes thought.
    Poor old Vimes, here in gutter. But that’s where he started. Poor old Vimes, with the water swirling in under breastplate. Poor old Vimes, watching rest of gutter’s contents ooze by. Prob’ly even poor old Gaskin has got better view now, he thought.
    Lessee…he’d gone off after the funeral and got drunk. No, not drunk, another word, ended with “er.” Drunker, that was it. Because world all twisted up and wrong, like distorted glass, only came back into focus if you looked at it through bottom of bottle.
    Something else now, what was it.
    Oh, yes. Night-time. Time for duty. Not for Gaskin, though. Have to get new fellow. New fellow coming anyway, wasn’t that it? Some stick from the hicks. Written letter. Some tick from the shicks…
    Vimes gave up, and slumped back. The gutter continued to swirl.
    Overhead, the lighted letters fizzed and flickered in the rain.

    It wasn’t only the fresh mountain air that had given Carrot his huge physique. Being brought up in a gold mine run by dwarfs and working a twelve-hour day hauling wagons to the surface must have helped.
    He walked with a stoop. What will do that is being brought up in a gold mine run by dwarfs who thought that five feet was a good height for a ceiling.
    He’d always known he was different. More bruised for one thing. And then one day his father had come up to him or, rather, come up to his waist, and told him that he was not, in fact, as he had always believed, a dwarf.
    It’s a terrible thing to be nearly sixteen and the wrong species.
    “We didn’t like to say so before,