Crave (Harlequin Teen)

humanity was the problem. According to Dad, there was only one way to end the torture here. Regain control over my emotions.
    But could I really trust a former council member’s advice?
    “Sav, whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it,” he murmured. “Don’t pull away from me. I don’t care what they said. You know what we have is real.”
    I gave him a sad smile, my decision made. “I’m so sorry, Tristan. For everything. But I promise it’ll be over soon.”
    Then I closed my eyes.
    I am an Ice Princess, I thought, reaching for that mask. The cold within answered, eagerly seeping over my face. But this time, it didn’t stop there. Instead, it kept going, tightening my scalp, creeping down my neck and torso, spreading goose bumps along my arms and legs.
    Oh, no. I’d gone too far, let it take over too much. I was drowning in the cold now, going numb from head to toe.
    But then I realized…that numbing effect was exactly what I needed right now. Because if I was numb, then I wasn’t having to battle the bloodlust. Or any other emotion. And that meant I was in control, not the bloodlust.
    So I gave up, gave in to the vampire side that had been waiting there for me all along. I embraced that numbing cold, hugging it to me, using it to kill the emotions that had been wrecking my self-control and fueling the burning need for Tristan’s blood.
    Only then, encased in that imaginary block of ice, did the bloodlust finally fade away, along with all other feelings. And at last, I could safely meet his eyes again.
    “I love you.” His voice was a terrible combination of pleading and defeat. But it couldn’t reach me now. I was safe behind the wall of ice.
    Why had I fought my vampire side for so long? Emotions were the real danger, hurting me, distracting me, making me lose control. The cold was a sweet relief, offering me peace and calm.
    I sat back against the wall, which seemed warmer than me now, laid my cheek against my knees and stared at the rusted metal door. “Don’t worry. They’ll come back soon to free us.”
    Both disappointment and relief floated from the council through the glass window. And yet still they waited. For my self-control to crack?
    I closed my eyes and drifted on waves of numbing cold inside. It was strange, like how swimming in a winter ocean might feel after the first shocking sting went away. Did dying of hypothermia feel like this? Was it a comforting relief from the pain, a near-blissful release all on its own even before death approached? If so, maybe it wasn’t such a bad way to go. Part of me, deep down, said a crucial piece of me was dying. But the rest of me was wonderfully numb.
    I even felt brave enough to take a short breath through my nose. Tristan’s blood still smelled good, yet it couldn’t get through the ice to trigger any emotions. I lifted my head and smiled. I’d done it. I’d beaten the test, withstood the temptation to kill the boy I loved…and all I’d had to do was stop fighting what I already was.
    That sniff must have been what they were waiting for, because after another minute or two the door opened and the guard returned, still holding his wrist over his nose. He looked at me. This time, he couldn’t seem to keep his face emotionless, his silver eyes wide with disbelief. “They are ready for you now.”
    Without looking at Tristan, I rolled up to my feet.
    As I reentered the council chamber, that empty calm came with me, bringing clearer thoughts and understanding. I realized I wasn’t afraid of the council anymore. Why should I be? Wasn’t I one of them now, or nearly so? And wasn’t that exactly what I’d always wanted, to truly belong somewhere? I nearly laughed out loud. How stupid of me, to always want what I couldn’t have, when all along I’d had an entire world to fit in among if I just stopped fighting what I was. I had never been normal, never would be normal. I was a vampire in the making. There was no point denying it, and nothing I could do about it. So maybe it was time for me to learn to live with it.
    “Impressive,” Caravass said upon my return.
    I dipped my chin in acknowledgment of the compliment. Ah, so lovely not to feel afraid anymore while facing the council. And now that I no longer had my own feelings clouding up my mind, I was free to concentrate on their emotions instead. The overwhelming majority of which was relief. But why were they so relieved? Because I’d passed their test and proved I wouldn’t