Coda 02 -A to Z

great. In fact the punk with the attitude was practically rush hour, in and of himself. I looked back at Tom. “I survive.” That much at least was true. “You’re my landlord now?”
    “Sure am. Don’t let that fool you, though. I’m not a bad guy.” He gave me a killer smile.

    “I’m sure that’s true,” I said.
    He looked at me for a minute, like he was sizing me up, then smiled again, and said, “Let me take you to dinner tonight and I’ll prove it.”
    I couldn’t believe that a guy as attractive as him would ask me out. I’m pretty average: five-eleven, brown hair, blue eyes, average build. Average, average, average. I know I’m not bad looking, but I’ve never been one of those guys that people notice, lust after, or are immediately attracted to. You know— those guys. Guys like him. “That sounds great,” I said, hoping that I didn’t sound overenthusiastic.
    “I’ll stop by here and pick you up at six.”

    I hadn’t had a date in months. I was definitely counting the hours.
    Later that afternoon Ruby stopped in. Ruby owned the holistic bookstore next door to my shop. She was in her sixties, at least. She was barely five feet tall and probably weighed less than a hundred pounds. Her hair was silver, cut short and well styled, and she always wore smart-looking pantsuits. Today’s suit was charcoal gray, with a sky blue scarf around her neck that matched her eyes. She looked like somebody’s rich grandmother.
    That illusion was always shattered the minute she opened her mouth. That was when you realized she wasn’t quite playing with a full deck.
    “Hey, Ruby,” I said. “Did you meet the new landlord?” “Of course I did,” she said in disgust. “What a terrible man.”
    “Oh?” She was so serious, and I was trying not laugh. “Why do you say that?”
    “He had no soul,” she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Couldn’t you tell? Just dark, all around.” She shuddered. “He’s going to be trouble, Zach.” She shook her finger at me. “You mark my words.”
    “Okay.” What else could I say?

    “That’s not what I came to talk to you about, though. I want you to know I had a vision about you last night.”
    Ruby claimed to be psychic. She was always having “visions.” I’m not much of a believer in that kind of thing, but I never had the heart to tell Ruby that. “Is that right?” I asked casually.
    “It’s the truth. I saw you. You were standing with an angel. You were in an auto-parts store, and you were handing out plates of chicken Alfredo.” She looked at me expectantly.
    I never knew what to do or say after hearing her “visions.” Was I supposed to clap? Or be astounded? Or look frightened? “Ummm….” I stammered, instead. “That sounds very interesting.”
    “I thought so too.” She was still looking at me with anticipation, like I might suddenly break down and admit that I had indeed been serving pasta at Checker just the other night with Gabriel himself at my side.
    “An angel?” I asked dumbly.
    “Why, yes!” She beamed at me. “Isn’t it wonderful? I keep hoping you’ll meet a nice girl, and now I know you will!” Never mind that I had no interest whatsoever in meeting a “nice girl.” I had told Ruby at least twenty times that I was gay, but she always acted like she hadn’t heard me. I was pretty sure she thought it was just a phase and eventually I’d grow out of it. “I just had to tell you. I thought you would want to know.”
    “Of course, Ruby. Thanks.” I managed to keep a straight face when I said it too. “I appreciate that.” She nodded sagely, then turned and headed out the door. She was just pushing it open when a thought crossed my mind. “Ruby,” I had to ask, “was I dead?”
    She looked back at me in surprise. “Of course not, dear. Why would you be dead?”
    “Well….” I felt silly, but now that the thought was in my head, I really wanted to know. “If there was an angel there, then I must have been in heaven, right?”
    She shook her finger at me. “Don’t be a smartass, Zach. There aren’t any cars in heaven.”
    After her came Jeremy. Jeremy’s head shop was on the opposite side of Ruby’s bookstore, but Jeremy was no long-hair, sandal-wearing hippy. He was the father of three teenagers, he wore a tie every day, and he was an active member of the PTA as well as the city council. In addition to all that, he was a staunch supporter of the Libertarian party.