Treasure Island!!!

professional?” Right away, they had been cheap.
    “Listen, I know all
about
intervention,” Adrianna drawled. “I read about it on the web.”
    “And it’s supposed to be a gathering of people who are important to me, people for whom I have the greatest affection and respect, who would have the greatest impact on my life if I lost them. So what the hell is
she
doing here?” I pointed at Nancy.
    “I know you are an addict,” Nancy said loudly.
    “Still smarting about Willie’s haircut?” I rolled my eyes. “And where is Beverly Flowers? Where is my healer?”
    “I asked her,” Adrianna said sulkily. “But she said she had to pay a parking ticket.”
    “Please sit down, darling,” my mother said. “We’re all here because we care about you. Come sit down. Would you like a glass of water or a cup of tea? We have some things we want to share with you.”
    I dropped myself into the empty armchair and surveyed them. While I had been standing, I’d been afraid to look at Lars as if, by not looking, I could prevent him from looking at
me
. Not that I still cared for him, but an ex-boyfriend always induces the question: Do I look good enough to inspire major regret? Seated, I saw that he looked a little jumpy, his hair was tousled in a sweet way, and he was staring at me, without blinking. He appeared fascinated, almost excited. Everyone, in fact, seemed pretty keyed up, except for Rena, who sat with her hands in her lap looking dispiritedly at her vegan shoes.
    Adrianna began officiously. “We think you have an addiction to a book, and we think it’s led you to make some pretty poor choices. Choices that have been causing yourself and lots of other people pain.” Here I said I had to go to the bathroom, but Adrianna said, “Look, we’ve all worked very hard on this, so please don’t interrupt.”
    “Darling, isn’t she allowed to go to the bathroom?” my mother asked. “I thought you said this wasn’t going to be an attack.”
    “Yes, I’m just saying let us get
through
it, okay?”
    It now became apparent to me that Adrianna was sweating profusely; where other sweaty people have half-moons under her arms, she had dwarf planets. She turned to me: “Everybody here can bear witness to the ways in which your obsession with that book has led to the damage of yourself and others—”
    “Five fish gone!” Nancy shouted as if no time had passed and she and I were still standing in the puddles of The Pet Library. “Rooster eat dog food! He very sick!”
    “Don’t worry, Ms. Wang, everyone gets a turn,” Adrianna said. “We’ve each prepared a list of things that we’ll no longer tolerate, finance, or participate in unless you give up this
Treasure Island
nonsense—”
    “It’s not nonsense. Not one of you has even read it, so none of you knows what you’re talking about.”
    Lars smiled a little. “
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
”
    “
Shiver me timbers!
” my mother tittered.
    “
A smack of the sea about him
!” hooted Adrianna.
    “
I did a foolish, over-bold act, but I was determined to do it!”
said Rena.
    “
By thunder
!” said my father. “
By the powers!
”
    “Five fish gone!” Nancy shouted above the derisive laughing.
    “All right, so you don’t like the book’s style. That’s your business. But I know my rights and I’m not hurting anyone by being inspired by a piece of nineteenth-century literature.”
    People exchanged looks. My parents shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. Rena bit the callus on her thumb, and Lars pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Adrianna was enjoying herself now, you could tell.
    “Who would like to start?” she said primly. “Rena?”
    “Oh, no. Maybe someone in the family?”
    “I’ll go,” said Nancy.
    “We heard from you already,” I said.
    “Don’t you dare be rude to Ms. Wang,” Adrianna said.
    “Would anyone like some more tea?” my mother asked hurriedly.
    “I wasn’t being rude. I was being BOLD .”
    “And now she’s HORN-BLOWING ,” Lars said gaily, looking round at the others for recognition.
    “You’re certainly feeling your oats!” I cried. “Why are you even here, Lars? It’s over between us. You can’t threaten me with a list of things you’re no longer going to finance or tolerate because you’re no longer in my life!”
    Everyone gasped; even I was surprised at how cruel I sounded. And yet what was my mean streak if not the flavor shot in Lars’s coffee? The equanimity with