Steamed

Massachusetts, was the excellent opportunity it afforded me to spy on my neighbors from the safety of my apartment.
    Just yesterday I’d enjoyed a good fifteen minutes of bantering among three college kids attempting to move a massive seventies-style couch through their building’s small entryway, a space that was clearly too narrow to accommodate the gigantic sofa. After much debating and tilting of the couch at varying angles, the group made one final and admirably collegiate attempt to move the beast into the apartment. The effort, which involved bungee cords and ropes, was aimed at hauling the monstrosity up the side of the building and through a window. This misguided, if entertaining, plan failed. I later saw the couch on the curb with a pleading note written on cardboard, Please Take Me Away, and one of the students passed out on the cushions, gripping a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Higher education in Boston had officially begun for the year.
    Unfortunately, there was no activity this morning. Most of my college neighbors were sleeping it off on this Labor Day weekend, but since I was about to start my graduate studies, I felt obliged to behave like an adult and not spend most of the term in a drunken state while pretending to attend class and do schoolwork. I glanced through my Welcome to Boston City Graduate School of Social Work folder with the pointless abbreviation BCGSSW scrawled over every enthusiastic page. “Welcome, Chloe Carter,” the first letter began. There followed a tediously detailed breakdown of this Tuesday’s orientation, which ran from 8:15 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Right, like I was going to make it through an entire day of what would turn out to be a team of bright-eyed social work doctoral students leading mobs of us through soul-baring “trust falls” and, as the brochure promised, opportunities to “share our personal stories,” especially those that would lead us to “develop social work skills based on an understanding of the impact and influence of socioeconomic, biochemical, familial, and racial factors on mental health and social policy.”
    The welcome packet went on to assure me that I’d be given the chance to explore my own racist attitudes and the contributions I had made to the downfall of our society. The hour and a half allotted to lunch was supposed to afford me the chance to socialize and thus to begin developing relationships with my fellow students. And most of all, as luck would have it, I was informed that I would be learning to take many “proactive” approaches in my work over the next two years. Quick learner that I am, I immediately embarked on my very first act of proactivity by vowing never, ever to utter the word proactive aloud—and damn the consequences, which would probably include getting kicked out of social work school for my blatant failure to demonstrate fluency in the language of political correctness. Many students, I read, were eager participants in coalitions and committees that sent representatives to legislative meetings and protests at the State House. I could pretty much guarantee that I’d do whatever I could to avoid any sort of participation in any of those horrible-sounding groups. As liberal and feminist as I was in many ways, I was not someone who enjoyed engaging in overt displays of my political views.
    The letter ended with a “personal” invitation from the president of the school to drop by his office any old time to discuss how my year was progressing. I considered dropping by his office to say that after reading the welcome packet, I was not all that interested in attending BCGSSW. In fact, I was doing so only to get my inheritance from my late and loony Uncle Alan, whose will contained the following moronic clause: “If Chloe Carter wants her inheritance, she must complete a master’s degree program in any field this fine young lady selects.” The will granted me a moderate monthly stipend during my years of graduate school hell—my term, not the will’s—and a lump sum should I actually manage to graduate. When I’d read through the packet, it became clear that social work was a less than ideal choice for me. But I had always enjoyed my undergraduate studies in psychology, and social work wasn’t that far off. And it was only two years of school. So, when Uncle Alan died last winter and I was forced to pick something to pretend to study for a few years, I did minimal research into choices, decided I liked helping