Machine Dreams

the couch, and sat down. He touched my mother’s shoulder firmly and left his hand there. “Gladys tells me we’ve had bad news about Billy.”
    My mother gestured toward the telegram in my hand.
    “He’s missing,” I said, not volunteering the piece of paper. “They must know more, but that’s all the telegram says.” I steeled myself against Reb Jonas’ voice; he was our doctor, always; when my mother’s babies were born, when we got our vaccinations and flu shots, always, He made me want to be comforted, but no one should be comforted. Billy was the one in trouble, not us. Why should we be comforted?
    Reb looked at me. “We’ll have to try to find out what we can. Your dad and I will make some calls.” His gaze shifted from my mother to Gladys and back to me. “Does Mitch know yet?”
    “No,” my mother said. “Billy gave this as his only address, so Sergeant Dixon came here.”
    “I’ll go directly to Mr. Hampson’s residence now,” Dixon said softly.
    “I’ll go with you,” I said.
    “Yes, you go,” my mother told me, drying her eyes. “Gladys will stay here with me until you get back.”
    “Certainly,” Gladys said, “I’ll be right here.”
    Reb took a bottle of pills from his pocket. “Jean, these willhelp you sleep. You’ll need them. Won’t help anything for you to fall ill.” He put the pills on the table, then looked at me. “Danner, I’ll come by to see your father and Bess in a few minutes.”
    Sergeant Dixon stood politely and approached me. “Miss Hampson, may I have the telegram? I am required to deliver it into your father’s hands.”
    I held the piece of paper up to him. “Yes, you do that.”
    “Danner,” my mother said, “don’t be rude to this man. It won’t help.”
    I touched her hand. “Mom, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
    I headed for the door and Sergeant Dixon followed me. We went down the front walk toward the cars and I heard his black shoes taking the steps behind me. When we got to the cars, I turned to look at him. “I don’t want you to tell my father. I wish you would give me the telegram and just leave. Your superiors didn’t even know my parents are divorced, and they won’t know the difference.”
    There was a band of sweat on his upper lip. His chest was broad but he wasn’t much taller than me; he was perhaps twelve years older. “I am here as a gesture of respect and condolence and deep concern on the part of the United States Army. I’m required by regulation to tell your father, personally.”
    “Yes, in the same words you used to us, like a tape recording.”
    “They’re the only words we have, ma’am. They’re all we know right now, and it’s important they be repeated exactly.”
    “Don’t tell me what’s important.”
    He moved back a step and blinked. His eyes were brown. “Miss Hampson, it is my duty to tell your father, and I will do so to the best of my ability. Are you certain you wouldn’t rather stay with your mother?”
    I stared into his face. “I won’t allow you to tell him without me. He might be alone.” I moved to get into the rental car but the door was locked. I think I stumbled on the curb. “You don’t know how fucking alone he is,” I said. “You don’t know anything about this family.” Sergeant Dixon opened the door for me with his keys and walked across in front of the car as I got in.
    The car was spotless, a machine that belonged to no one, andit smelled new. Sergeant Dixon was beside me; he turned the key in the ignition and adjusted the blower of the air conditioner. Both hands on the wheel, he sat erect and looked at me with care. “Would you please direct me, ma’am?”
    For a moment I didn’t understand what he meant. There was a ringing in my ears and my heart was pounding. “What?”
    “To your father’s house,” he said quietly.
    I looked away at the length of Pine Street. Everything looked normal. “My father lives with his aunt,” I said, “since the divorce.” This couldn’t really be happening. “Back up and turn right, to the big street called Quality Hill. Straight down till you come into downtown past the Fire Department, and Main Street. You must have driven in that way. You turn east on Main. East Main. A white one-story house beside the old hospital.”
    He put the car in motion. “Miss Hampson, it isn’t regulation for me to say so, but my own brother was captured in North Vietnam two years ago. His name has been released as one of