Dark Places

to side with her brother. “Ben needs eggs cause he’s a boy. A man.”
    That made Ben smile the slightest bit, which made Patty select the most perfectly round pancake for Libby. She piled the cakes onto plates while the eggs spat at her, the fine calibrations of breakfast for five going surprisingly well. It was the last of the decent food, left over from Christmas, but she wouldn’t worry right now. After breakfast, she’d worry.
    “Mom, Debby has her elbows on the table.” Michelle, in her bossy mode.
    “Mom, Libby didn’t wash her hands.” Michelle again.
    “Neither did you.” Debby.
    “Nobody did.” Libby laughing.
    “Dirty bugger,” Ben said, and poked her in her side. It was some old joke with them, that phrase. Patty didn’t know how it had started. Libby tilted her head back and laughed harder, a stage laugh designed to please Ben.
    “Mother hugger,” Libby giggled wetly, some sort of response.
    Patty soaped up a rag and passed it around to each so they could all stay seated at the table. Ben bothering to tease one of his sisters was a rare event, and it seemed like she could hold on to the good mood if everyone just stayed in their place. She needed the good mood, the way you need sleep after an all-nighter, the way you daydream of throwing yourself into bed. Every day she woke up and swore she wouldn’t let the farm weigh her down, wouldn’t let the ruination of it (three years she was behind in the loan, three
years
and no way out) turn her into the kind of woman she hated: mirthless, pinched, unable to enjoy anything. Every morning she’d crick herself down onto the flimsy rug by her bed and pray, but it was actually a promise:
Today I won’t yell, I won’t cry, I won’t clench up into a ball like I am waiting for a blow to level me. I will enjoy today
. She might make it to lunch before she went sour.
    They were all set now, everyone washed, a quick prayer, and all was fine until Michelle spouted up.
    “Ben needs to take off his hat.”
    The Day family had always had a no-hat rule at the table, it wassuch a non-negotiable regulation that Patty was surprised to even have to address it.
    “Ben does need to take off his hat,” Patty said, her voice a gentle prod.
    Ben tilted his head toward her and she felt a pinch of worry. Something was wrong. His eyebrows, normally thin rusty lines, were black, the skin beneath stained a dark purple.
    “Ben?”
    He took off his hat, and on his head was a jet-black crown of hair, ruffed like an old Labrador. It was such a shock, like swallowing ice water too quickly, her red-headed boy, Ben’s defining characteristic, gone. He looked older. Mean. As if this kid in front of her had bullied the Ben she knew into oblivion.
    Michelle screamed, Debby burst into tears.
    “Ben, sweetheart, why?” Patty said. She was telling herself not to overreact, but that was just what she was doing. This stupid teenage act—that’s all it was—made her entire relationship with her son feel suddenly hopeless. As Ben stared down at the table, smirking, force-fielding himself from their female commotion, Patty worked up an excuse for him. He’d hated his red hair as a kid, been teased for it. Maybe he still was. Maybe this was an act of assertion. A positive thing. Then again, it was Patty who’d given Ben her red hair, which he’d just obliterated. How was that not a rejection? Libby, her only other redhead, clearly thought so. She sat holding a piece of her hair between two skinny fingers, staring at it morosely.
    “All right,” Ben said, slurping an egg and standing up. “Enough drama. It’s just stupid hair.”
    “Your hair was so handsome, though.”
    He paused at that, as if he was really considering it. Then shook his head—at her comment, at the whole morning, she didn’t know— and stomped toward the door.
    “Just calm down,” he called without turning around. “I’ll be back later.”
    She was guessing he’d slam the door, but instead he shut it quietly, and that seemed worse. Patty blew at her bangs and glanced around the table at all the wide blue eyes, watching her to see how to react. She smiled and gave a weak laugh.
    “Well, that was weird,” she offered. The girls perked up a bit, visibly sitting higher in their chairs.
    “He’s so weird,” Michelle added.
    “His hair matches his clothes now,” Debby said, wiping her tears on the back of her hand, and forking some pancake into her mouth.
    Libby just looked at her plate,