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The Man With Two Left Feet

The Man With Two Left Feet

Titel: The Man With Two Left Feet
Autoren: P. G. Wodehouse
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occur to him.
    He was, indeed, at the moment too busy to analyse vocal inflections. They were on the floor now, and it was beginning to creep upon him like a chill wind that the scenario which he had mapped out was subject to unforeseen alterations.
    At first all had been well. They had been almost alone on the floor, and he had begun moving his feet along dotted line A B with the smooth vim which had characterized the last few of his course of lessons. And then, as if by magic, he was in the midst of a crowd—a mad, jigging crowd that seemed to have no sense of direction, no ability whatever to keep out of his way. For a moment the tuition of weeks stood by him. Then, a shock, a stifled cry from Minnie, and the first collision had occurred. And with that all the knowledge which he had so painfully acquired passed from Henry's mind, leaving it an agitated blank. This was a situation for which his slidings round an empty room had not prepared him. Stage–fright at its worst came upon him. Somebody charged him in the back and asked querulously where he thought he was going. As he turned with a half–formed notion of apologizing, somebody else rammed him from the other side. He had a momentary feeling as if he were going down the Niagara Rapids in a barrel, and then he was lying on the floor with Minnie on top of him. Somebody tripped over his head.
    He sat up. Somebody helped him to his feet. He was aware of Sidney Mercer at his side.
    'Do it again,' said Sidney, all grin and sleek immaculateness. 'It went down big, but lots of them didn't see it.'
    The place was full of demon laughter.
    * * * * *
    'Min!' said Henry.
    They were in the parlour of their little flat. Her back was towards him, and he could not see her face. She did not answer. She preserved the silence which she had maintained since they had left the restaurant. Not once during the journey home had she spoken.
    The clock on the mantelpiece ticked on. Outside an Elevated train rumbled by. Voices came from the street.
    'Min, I'm sorry.'
    Silence.
    'I thought I could do it. Oh, Lord!' Misery was in every note of Henry's voice. 'I've been taking lessons every day since that night we went to that place first. It's no good—I guess it's like the old woman said. I've got two left feet, and it's no use my ever trying to do it. I kept it secret from you, what I was doing. I wanted it to be a wonderful surprise for you on your birthday. I knew how sick and tired you were getting of being married to a man who never took you out, because he couldn't dance. I thought it was up to me to learn, and give you a good time, like other men's wives. I—'
    'Henry!'
    She had turned, and with a dull amazement he saw that her whole face had altered. Her eyes were shining with a radiant happiness.
    'Henry! Was
that
why you went to that house—to take dancing lessons?'
    He stared at her without speaking. She came to him, laughing.
    'So that was why you pretended you were still doing your walks?'
    'You knew!'
    'I saw you come out of that house. I was just going to the station at the end of the street, and I saw you. There was a girl with you, a girl with yellow hair. You hugged her!'
    Henry licked his dry lips.
    'Min,' he said huskily. 'You won't believe it, but she was trying to teach me the Jelly Roll.'
    She held him by the lapels of his coat.
    'Of course I believe it. I understand it all now. I thought at the time that you were just saying good–bye to her! Oh, Henry, why ever didn't you tell me what you were doing? Oh, yes, I know you wanted it to be a surprise for me on my birthday, but you must have seen there was something wrong. You must have seen that I thought something. Surely you noticed how I've been these last weeks?'
    'I thought it was just that you were finding it dull.'
    'Dull! Here, with you!'
    'It was after you danced that night with Sidney Mercer. I thought the whole thing out. You're so much younger than I, Min. It didn't seem right for you to have to spend your life being read to by a fellow like me.'
    'But I loved it!'
    'You had to dance. Every girl has to. Women can't do without it.'
    'This one can. Henry, listen! You remember how ill and worn out I was when you met me first at that farm? Do you know why it was? It was because I had been slaving away for years at one of those places where you go in and pay five cents to dance with the lady instructresses. I was a lady instructress. Henry! Just think what I went through! Every day having to drag a
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