Coda 03 -The Letter Z

never tell them my name, but this seems different somehow. “Angelo.”
    “Angelo.” He sighs. “I better get out of here. Jared’s big bad boyfriend will rip my legs off if he finds me in his bed. I don’t think it will matter who I’m here with.”
    I have a feelin’ he’s right. And I don’t even want to think ’bout what Matt will say to me. I stand up, hold a hand out to him and help him up. We get dressed in silence. I follow him to the door. He starts to open it, then suddenly closes it again and turns around to look at me.
    “It’s gone now, isn’t it?” he says in surprise.
“What’s gone?”
“All that tension. I haven’t wanted anyone so much in a long time.
    But now,” he shrugs, “it’s over.”
    He’s right. Whatever I felt with him is already fadin’—like a match that flares bright at first, but goes out too soon. Now he just seems like any other guy. Like we could hang out forever and never fuck again. “Guess so,” I say.
    He smiles a little. “Your boyfriend must be a pretty smart guy.” He puts his hand on my arm. “Take care, Angelo.” And then he leaves. Goes back to the party. I see him walk up to Jared, and Jared glances back at me, lookin’ like he wants to punch me.
    I don’t care. I don’t gotta worry ’bout what Jared thinks.
    I see Zach as soon as I walk back into the kitchen. He’s leanin’ against the sink, talkin’ to Lizzy. His eyes land on me the minute I come into the room. They’re curious, but nothing more. Not angry. Not jealous. Not sad. That’s good, ’cause I can’t take it back now, and I don’t know what I would’ve done if he freaked out on me.
    I stop and get a soda out of the fridge and drink half of it all at once. I won’t go to him with Cole’s taste still on my tongue. Then I turn to face him, and he smiles at me.
    I step up to him and lean against him. His body is so safe and familiar. I run my hands up his chest, kiss his jaw. He shivers a little, then relaxes and puts his arms around me. All I want now is him. Don’t know if it makes sense, but right at this moment, I want him more than ever. If we were alone, I’d already be undressin’ him.
    I put my arms around his waist and have to stand on my toes to whisper in his ear, “How’d you get so smart?”

    He laughs. “I’m not sure I am. Jared spent the last twenty minutes telling me what a fool I am.”
    I look into his eyes and say, “He’s wrong.”
“You think so?”
I nod. “I know so.”
    He smiles down at me, and my hands are startin’ to wander over him. Know there’s all kinds of people ’round to see, but I don’t care. I put one hand on the back of his head and pull him down to kiss me. I love the way his tongue moves over my bottom lip, and the way one of his hands slides up my spine to the back of my neck. I love that it’s familiar. I know he’s gonna do it, but it still turns me on every time. That’s the way it should be.
    “Zach,” I say, while his lips are still against mine. “Take me home.”
    He pulls back just a little, and now he does look worried. “Is this because you feel guilty?” he asks quietly.
I shake my head. “No.” And it’s the truth. Maybe I should feel guilty, but I don’t. I take a deep breath, make myself look into his eyes and say those words. They usually catch in my throat, but tonight, it’s easier than it’s ever been. “’Cause I love you, Zach.” The light and happiness in his eyes when I say it is worth everything. “Can’t even tell you how much.” I kiss him again. “Take me home, and I’ll show you instead.”
    He smiles down at me. “Okay.”
    I was worried the drive home would be weird, but it’s not. When we get there, I take him back in the bedroom. We undress each other, and then I put my arms around him and say, “Make love to me, Zach.”
    He smiles. “Anything you want, angel.”
He pushes me back on the bed. We don’t hurry. He touches me everywhere, kisses my stomach and my chest and my neck. Then one hand slides down my back, over my ass, and his fingers push against my rim.
And suddenly he stops. He pulls back and looks down at me in surprise. “You didn’t…?” He lets the question trail away, but I know what he’s askin’. I always bottom with Zach, not ’cause that’s what he expects, but ’cause that’s what I like best with him. It’s the most intimate thing in the world. It’s when I feel closest to him. I’m not surprised he assumed that’s what